Sir, – Further to Derek Byrne's "Marriage is not a good fit for gay people's lifestyles" (October 9th, Opinion & Analysis), I celebrate difference as what makes Irish life and culture so rich and interesting, but to assume that all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people are part of, or want to be part of, a subculture, denies the reality of many people's actual lives, hopes and dreams. LGBT people are not a homogenous group. We are all different – different classes, different income brackets, different levels of ability; some are religious; some are members of political parties and from across the political spectrum. We are part of every community in Ireland.
We are many things – sisters, fathers, girlfriends, lovers, doctors, singers, carers, sports fans, farmers – any numbers of combinations of identities. Of course our sexuality marks us out as different in one way to the majority of people, but so can many things about people.
However, for many of us, our lives are just the same as everyone else’s, just as ordinary (with its ups and its downs) and just as wonderful. Many of us are part of communities based on geography, family ties or common interests, where our sexuality is just one important part of who we are. It’s important because it’s about the people we love and our own families (as defined by us).
The movement for marriage equality has given visibility to many LGBT people who just want to be able to live our lives and grow old with our loved ones equally protected and respected in the country we choose to live in. It’s not about forcing people to get married. It’s about choice. – Yours, etc,
CLODAGH ROBINSON,
Dalkey, Co Dublin.
Sir, – Derek Byrne ought to be commended for his article questioning the rush towards the introduction of same-sex marriage. No doubt he will be subjected to vilification for doing so, in line with the regrettable pattern that has characterised the debate on this issue to date.
He raises a valid question as to why organisations which campaign for same-sex marriage, which pride themselves on celebrating diversity and difference, are advocating a situation whereby same-sex couples would abandon this diversity and conform to a set of legal norms which currently apply only to heterosexual relationships.
There is a clear parallel between this debate and an argument which has raged within the feminist movement since the 1960s. Radical feminists such as the American lawyer Catherine MacKinnon have criticised much of that movement for having a vision of equality which encouraged the incremental acceptance by women of male norms, effectively leading to a “metamorphosis” of women into men and disregarding the distinctive characteristics of women in the process. She famously denounced the feminist movement as offering women “a piece of the pie as currently and poisonously baked”.
The parallel between this point of view and the debate on same-sex marriage is clear. The introduction of same-sex marriage would graft the legal treatment of heterosexual relationships onto same-sex relationships, and would bring about a similar “metamorphosis”. The rights to marry, adopt, and have beneficial taxation status would all be replicated directly from one type of relationship, and imposed on another type of relationship. How can this be in any way in accordance with the notion of the diversity of same-sex relationships? If anything it amounts to the subjugation of this diversity.
Since its inception, the foundation stone of marriage has been the difference between the genders. It is an inherently gender-based institution, because relationships and unions between couples of the same sex and couples of the opposite sex are inherently different.
So why the rush to amend our Constitution to bring about a legal fantasy which pretends that they are not? – Yours, etc,
BARRY WALSH,
Clontarf, Dublin 3.
A chara, – As burnt-out 1970s gay rights activists, my spouse and I have never abandoned our commitment to sexual liberation.
Unlike Derek Byrne, we see our marriage as a demonstration that institutions can evolve to reflect societal changes.
Many straight and gay Irish couples see marriage as an equal partnership where the two people who love each other decide together the values and behaviours that will sustain themselves.
"Vive la différence!" is indeed what Irish people endorse regardless of sexual orientation. That is why the referendum on marriage equality will succeed. – Is mise,
MARTIN G PADGETT,
Toronto, Canada.
Sir, – While many try to justify the notion of same-sex marriage on the basis of equality, we should bear in mind that the state of California last July passed a Bill removing all mention of husband and wife from its marriage laws. To make everyone feel more equal, everyone will be called “spouse”. Is that what we want? – Yours, etc,
SEAMUS O’CALLAGHAN,
Carlow.
Sir, – Derek Byrne writes, “I know of many same-sex couples who have been joined in civil partnership and I can say with certainty only one of these is grounded in monogamy”.
Mr Byrne sees this as a reason not to vote for marriage equality in the upcoming referendum. He implies same-sex couples are simply not capable of sexual fidelity.
I don’t know what circles Mr Byrne moves in, but my experience has been the opposite. I know numerous gay couples, both male and female, living in monogamous relationships. Many met in pubs, nightclubs or online, even in gay saunas, but when they decided to commit to each other they stopped doing “the scene”, just like most heterosexual couples do. To continue on the “scene” after entering a relationship is asking for trouble – for any relationship, gay or straight.
Mr Byrne acknowledges that he knows of only one same-sex relationship that is grounded in monogamy. My guess is that this couple are not to be found cruising bars and nightclubs.
Mr Byrne might consider voting Yes to marriage equality for the sake of this couple alone. They deserve it. – Yours, etc,
DECLAN KELLY,
Rathfarnham, Dublin 14.