Sir, – It was with anticipation that I read my friend Derek Byrne's piece, which quickly turned to dismay ("Marriage not a good fit for gay people's lifestyles", Opinion & Analysis, October 9th). He wrongly assumes that because he doesn't encounter monogamous gay men in his day-to-day life that they must barely exist, and therefore marriage as it currently stands is not a "good fit for gay people's lifestyles".
The truth is far more likely to be that one doesn’t encounter many monogamous gay couples when out and about on the gay scene because, like their heterosexual counterparts, they have outgrown the bars and clubs which cater to singles and prefer to spend the majority of their lives in pursuit of what are, to all intents and purposes, “married” lives.
Yes, we may need to redefine marriage, which is an entirely different discussion, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t many gay people who want to get married today. To say they are somehow betraying their roots is a touch patronising. If Mr Byrne doesn’t want to get married until marriage conforms to his vision, that’s his choice. But when it comes to voting in the referendum, I hope the people will allow the rest of us ours. – Yours, etc,
PAUL O’CONNOR,
Crumlin, Dublin 12.
Sir, – I am gay, in a civil partnership, and know many same-sex couples who have been joined in civil partnership. I also know (as much as one can in these matters) that they, as I, live monogamously and have committed to do so for the rest of their lives – not because of a “village mentality” or “Catholic guilt” but on the basis of a desire to live by committing to an exclusive, intimate relationship. I do not appreciate Mr Byrne making assumptions about my “lifestyle” or that of my particular circle of friends by presenting them with “certainty”.
If Mr Byrne wants consultation and space for difference, let him start by not putting people into general categories on the basis of his anecdotal observations. - Yours, etc,
SARAH BARRY,
Blackrock, Co Dublin.