Sir, - Vindicated at last! I knew that the North Pole was not just some kind of magnetic or geographical abstraction but a colossal stick of ripple ice cream. Geoffrey Lean's piece (April 8th) about the North Pole (sic) melting has blown the gaffe. The conspiracy of silence has gone on for many years, possibly because of the destabilising effect knowledge of the Pole's true nature might have had on Wall Street.
Now that somebody has switched off the Odden pump the oceans of the world are about to be flooded with millions of tonnes of skimmed milk, emulsifier, sugar, vanilla flavouring and €101. Furthermore, nobody can predict what effect the loss of the North Pole will have on Chandler Wobble but I suspect that people are going to begin falling off the planet. National Enquirer, eat your heart out! - Yours. etc..
Dartry,
Dublin 6.