As the earth returns once again to an arbitrary point in its orbit, world leaders reflect on the events of the preceding orbit and share their hopes for the forthcoming orbit, by making as many arbitrary points as possible.
President Mary McAleese
New year is a time to consider not only the bridges we have built but also the many bridges we must still build, so that the Irish people can move forward together to the January sales without getting stuck on the M50.
An Taoiseach
This year Fianna Fáil announced that we could go into government with Sinn Féin next year and also that we would go into opposition rather than see Sinn Féin go into government with anyone next year.
However, I think we can all agree that the Stormontgate affair is terribly confusing.
Pope Benedict XVI
Happy new year, bonne année, glückliches neues Jahr, feliz año nuevo
President George W Bush
The new year is a time for all Americans who love hope. Who love freedom. Who love calendars. Especially desk calendars with their little message every day. Of hope. The glue that binds those messages together is like the glue that binds this nation. It is cheap. It is tasteless. But we will show our enemies that it is made from a horse.
Osama Bin Laden
Brothers, as you can tell by my earlier reference to Shayne Ward winning the X-Factor, I remain very much alive and in touch with global developments.
This year I urge you to destroy the Western economy by booking weekend breaks in Kerry then cancelling at the last minute. Do not fear that your deposit will be lost, for it shall live forever in paradise.
Pope Benedict XVI (cont)
gung hey fat choi, akemashite omedetou, sehe bokmanee bateuseyo, naya saal mubaarak
Queen Elizabeth II
This year my husband and I are planning our first visit to the Irish Republic. This will be an opportunity to meet old friends, to establish new relationships, and also to collect some ground rent that I believe we are owed.
The Rev Ian Paisley MP
As if the Pagan idolatry of "Christmas" was not bad enough, the Protestant people are now further insulted by marking New Year's Day on January 1st.
Were unionists consulted in 1582 before Pope Gregory XIII meddled with our calendar? I think not, Mr Blair. I think not!
Archbishop Seán Brady
The New Year gives us space to contemplate the dreadful effects of clerical error, as everyone spends several weeks writing last year's date on all their cheques. Go in peace.
Archbishop Robin Eames
This is a time to look forwards not backwards, upwards not downwards, outwards yet inwards. Many in the Church of Ireland will also be asking what any of this has to do with Jesus, but that's really more of a year-round question.
Frank Connolly
(Frank Connolly will not be issuing a message this year until the message of last year has been put before a judge.)
Michael McDowell TD
(The Minister will not be releasing a statement to the press as this can apparently cause Hitler to rise from the dead.)
Gerry Adams MP
Following the events of the past few weeks, my position on the New Year - and I have made this clear to both governments - is that several auld acquaintances should be forgot and never brought to mind.
Pope Benedict XVI (cont)
shana toua, nakutakia heri ya mwaka mpya, ngikufisela unyaka omusha omuhle