MAGPIE:GIN CAN do terrible things to a person – memorably shown in the Beer Street and Gin Lane etchings by the 18th-century London pictorial satirist William Hogarth. The demon liquid is also known in some quarters as Old Mother's Ruin. But for one Spanish gent, it might well be what'll make him stinking rich . . .
José Collado, a 62-year-old Marbella trumpeter, reckons he’s the rightful heir to the Larios gin fortune of Spain (whose faux Gordon’s label will be familiar to anyone who has trawled Spanish airport booze shops). Because of Jose’s claims, a judge has ordered the body of the Marquis de Larios, otherwise known as José
Antonio Larios Franco, to be exhumed to get a bit of his DNA.
The marquis’ da founded the gin firm and José the Trumpeter says the Marquis, whether under the influence of the da’s product we know not, had a fling with one of the family cooks – yup, José the Trumpeter’s ma.
When the fourth marquis died suddenly in 1954 without a natural heir, the title was passed to his stepson. José the Trumpeter was brought up by nuns and had no idea of his parentage until 1997, when he finally tracked down his mother, Emilia Collado, who told him, according to José, that his da was the gin king.
The marquis allegedly chased the cook and ultimately had his evil way . . . fairly persistently, it seems, after setting her up in a pad in Marbella after the marchioness, Pilar, discovered what was going on and sacked her.
Pilar and the marquis had no issue, as it is put in their sort of circle, but in July 1948, little José appeared and is back to claim his fortune . . . which includes Dehesa de Los Llanos, a vast estate of 11,000 hectares (27,181 acres) near Malaga.
And it is there that, today, the body will be dug up and tested. If you hear José giving a blast of Aaron Copland’s Fanfare for the Common Man you’ll know the result . . .
*****
IN MORE booze-related news, six investment bankers in London pushed the boat out the other night having won a small fortune correctly predicting the outcome of the British general to within one seat.
They marked their triumph by blowing €67,000 on champers at a nightclub in London’s West End. A methuselah-sized bottle (that’s about eight normal-sized bottles) of vintage Cristal cost £36,000 (€42,000). That was followed with a £5,000 jeroboam (the size of four normal bottles) of Cristal (a snip at €5,800) and a £9,000 (€10,500) methuselah of Dom Pérignon. Service came to £8,000 (€9,300), which probably did not include the “quite a few girls who helped them through all the drinks”, as a club source told the Evening Standard newspaper. “They were very popular boys by the time they called it a night at 3am.
“When the methuselah was delivered to their table, the music was stopped and the group was chanting: ‘Down with Brown, down with Brown.’”
One feels certain they were not Lib Dem supporters . . .
*****
IN OTHER UK election news, East Sussex council sent a letter to a woman’s pet pig offering the animal the chance to register to vote in the election.
The offer was addressed to Blossom Grant at Pig Flats – the animal’s old sty in Uckfield, renovated two years ago and now home to volunteers at a local horse rescue centre.
Pauline Grant (73), Blossom’s owner, said: “I could not believe it when the letter telling Blossom to register to vote came through. It was one of the strangest things I had ever seen.
“I am not sure who Blossom would have voted for but at a guess I would say the Green Party. They would probably look after her needs best.”
And there was Magpie thinking all pigs voted Tory . . .