In the fourth and last of his travels, Jonathan Swift's Gulliver voyages to the land of the Houyhnhnms. It is a strange, topsy-turvy place. The aristocratic masters, educated and civilised, are horses.
The humans, called Yahoos, are vile underlings. "The Houyhnhnms keep the Yahoos for present use in huts not far from the house; but the rest are sent abroad to certain fields, where they dig up roots, eat several kinds of herbs, and search about for carrion . . . which they greedily devour. Nature hath taught them to dig deep holes with their nails on the side of a rising ground, wherein they lie by themselves."
It just dawned on me reading last week's Budget Estimates from Charlie McCreevy that this is where we live. We are Yahoos in the land of the Houyhnhnms. The horses, having put their servant in charge of the Yahoo finances, have managed to ensure that priority is given to their welfare. Like all the best aristocracies, they rule by proxy. This thought first occurred to me in the 1980s, when the country's first CAT scans were installed, not for human use, but for the thoroughbred horse industry. Having got away with this clear statement of their superiority, the horses have gradually extended their control.
Just look at the Estimates. The Family Income Supplement, which is given to working families whose income is intolerably low, has been slashed from €47.6 million to €45.9 million, a drop of 4 per cent even before inflation is taken into account. The allocation for the Blind Pension has been cut from €14.9 million to €14.5 million, a drop before inflation of 3 per cent.
But the allocation for the Horse and Greyhound Racing Fund has risen from €63.7 million this year to €66.9 million next year, a rise of 5 per cent.
What, you may wonder, is the Horse and Greyhound Fund used for? Well, much of it goes for prize money for horse races. Naive Yahoos may imagine that the prizes are put up by the corporate sponsors who get their names all over the advertising hoardings at race meetings. Some do indeed come from this source. But most of the money comes from the Exchequer, via the semi-State Horse Racing Ireland (HRI).
Last year, 788 flat races were run for a total of €23.5 million in prize money. Of this €11.13 million came from HRI. There were 1,206 national hunt races, with total prize money of €22 million. Of this €13.7 million came from HRI. So €25 million from total prize-money of €45 million - well over half - came from public funds.
A sense of the cunning power of the Houyhnhnms can be gathered by comparing the nearly €67 million given to the Horse and Greyhound Racing Fund with provision for Yahoo sports. The Sports Minister John O'Donoghue was beside himself with joy last week because he had secured a massive 67 per cent increase in the Local Authority Swimming Pool Programme. But even this dazzling improvement brings that fund to just €15 million next year.
And in an Olympic year, the Sports Council is to get €30.75 million with which to prepare for Athens, run its crucial anti-doping programmes, support top-class athletes and increase mass participation in sport. So for the money that goes horseracing, we could get all of these activities, build all of the swimming pools, and still have money left over for two Punchestown equestrian centres.
Which reminds us, of course, of another great example of the power of the Houyhnhnms. Including the €15 million for an equestrian centre that can't stage large-scale equestrian events, Punchestown has received a total of €25 million from the State. For that we could have an €11 million hot meal and school retention programme for 100,000 of our poorest children and increase the income limits for Family Income Supplement by €32 a week, and still have €3 million left over.
And if you still don't believe that the neighs have it, what about the estimated €100 million a year that goes on tax relief for stud fees?
For me, at least, the clincher is the passage in Gulliver's Travels which describes the operation of Yahoo politics: "in most herds there was a sort of ruling Yahoo who was always more . . . mischievous in disposition than any of the rest. This leader had usually a favourite as like himself as he could get . . . This favourite is hated by the whole herd, and therefore to protect himself keeps always near the person of his leader. He usually continues in office until a worse can be found, but at the very moment he is discarded, his successor, at the head of the Yahoos in that district . . . come in a body and discharge their excrements upon him from head to foot."
This fate may eventually befall the ruling Yahoos, but in the meantime, they serve their horsy masters with increasing arrogance. Having made us gradually accustomed to the supremacy of the Houyhnhnms, it can only be a matter of time before they break cover. A sneak preview of the Government's slogan for next year's elections suggest that the truth will soon be revealed. It's "four legs good, two legs bad".