Drapier: To paraphrase the movie line, "What did the Italians ever do for us? Apart, that is, from beautiful women and beautiful football? Apart, that is, from fettucini, frescos and the Ferrari. Apart, that is, from fine wine, opera, the Renaissance, the Roman Empire?"
Okay. Let's put it this way. Apart from the cornerstones of civilisation, what did the Italians ever do for us?
They gave us Rocco the Moral Crusader.
It has been a good week for Europe and in particular a good week for the European Parliament. Parliament did what parliaments rarely do. It stood up to the big boys and told them to shove it. Drapier knows little and cares less about Italian politics, but giving one in the nose to Silvio Berlusconi seems like a jolly good thing.
Drapier did something new this week. For the first time ever Drapier did a bit of channel hopping on the monitor in Leinster House and alighted on the feed from Strasbourg. For some reason, all these MEPs look different from us.
They all look terribly earnest, committed, engaged. Quite a few looked as if they were actually listening to the debate, something you never get in Leinster House.
But, in looking at the serried ranks of lefties, commies and liberals, Drapier couldn't help wondering. How in the name of all that's holy did José Manuel Barroso ever believe that he could get these guys to vote for the likes of Rocco?
The last thing that all those scary lefty women from the North were going to do was vote for an unreconstructed friend of the Vatican with a big mouth.
On balance, Drapier thinks the MEPs got it right but, of course, most of our own lot in Brussels were happy enough to vote for Rocco. Marian Harkin went on radio to perform a few Jesuitical pirouettes at the end of which she told us that Barroso had just about convinced her to do the necessary.
Avril Doyle, by contrast didn't need anyone to rap her fetlocks. The Christian Democrats were on board with Silvio and José Manuel and so be it. Brian Crowley also went on radio and sounded like a man who'd vote for just about any oul' fascist rather than rock the boat.
Apparently Proinsias de Rossa and Mary Lou, the Shinner, were up for voting "No" but Drapier tired of Channel 15 before they said their piece.
When all is said and done, parliament will come out of all this much the better.
Rocco will be shifted or shafted and Charlie McCreevy might even get promoted.
The real loser is José Manuel Barroso whose judgement and competence are being questioned as never before.
Drapier hates by-elections. We footsoldiers know the results don't amount to a hill of beans but the party hierarchy will always go on as if the future world order is at stake. As a result we get banished to far-flung places to pretend an interest in local issues about which we know precisely nothing.
That said, the current crop of by-elections, in Kildare and Meath, are that bit more interesting as we turn our minds, reluctantly, to the next general election.
Bertie has little to loose from either by-election. He can claim that Governments always lose and in that he is not wrong. On the other hand, if he can pull it off in Meath it would be a great bonus. Fine Gael could win either or even both, but Enda Kenny will be happy enough with a decent performance.
Labour should win Kildare but Pat Rabbitte will be content just to stay ahead of Fine Gael. The Shinners are bound to do well in Meath but can hardly expect to win.
Most interesting of all is the PDs. Kildare North is one of the very few target seats, which the PDs failed to take two years ago. Their candidate will surely be Senator Kate Walsh who has a decent profile on the ground. If she does well, Mary Harney will settle down in Hawkins House for the duration. If she doesn't, Mary might just start to give a bit more thought to an exit strategy.
There was little of note or interest in the Chamber this week.
Bertie got himself into a bit of bother about missing beds in the health service. Under sustained assault from Pat Rabbitte and Liz McManus he managed to give the impression that he hadn't a clue what was going on.
By the time Bertie sat down, Drapier, for one, hadn't a notion what he had just said. At times like this you just have to sit back in awe and admire the capacity of the great leader to answer a detailed question at length and leave none of us any the wiser.
At one point during the week, as the rain began to come down outside, the Dáil was discussing Tallaght and the Seanad was debating alcoholism, so Drapier decided to descend into the bowels of the building to see if the committees could offer up anything to keep a person awake.
Sure enough, there were rich pickings to be had. The Justice Committee was debating the points scheme with the Guards. The Sports Committee was debating the Athens Olympics with some sailing types and the European Affairs Committee was putting Noel Tracey through his paces.
Not for the first time it struck Drapier that all of this was more interesting, and more useful, than much of the show piece stuff that goes on in the Chamber. If only we could get the odd journalist to show his or her face and give us a bit of coverage.
Of course, in bygone years none of this would be happening at all. This year the Government decided to abandon what Mary Hanafin called the "family-friendly" policy of giving us the Halloween week off to coincide with the kids' mid-term break. No doubt our greater productivity has been much appreciated.