Unacceptable and untrue . . . quite unbelievable . . . equally unbelievable . . . not believable . . . most unlikely . . . incomprehensible . . . the tribunal does not believe . . . factually incorrect . . . quite incredible.
- Mr Justice McCracken, commenting on former Taoiseach Charles Haughey's testimony at the tribunal
At least with my voice training I'll be able to handle the blood-curdling screams.
- Opera singer Shannon Lee, daughter of martial arts star Bruce Lee, who is taking karate lessons to prepare for her first starring film role
I don't want to be a pilot when I grow up. It's a bit scary.
- Emily Pickersgill, aged five, who is said to have operated the controls of a packed jet flying home from the south of France to Heathrow
They say 10,000, double, treble, and then think of another number. It will be golden elephants next.
- Clare Short, British Sec- retary for International Development, attacking leaders of the volcano-hit island of Montserrat, who are demanding compensation from Britain
I said it would be seemlier if there was a word of compassion for his victims. I said that "rot in hell" were the words of a victim and, whether I agreed with it or not, I could understand the person who said it. The congregation applauded.
- Author and journalist Helen Lucy Burke, who interrupted last Sunday's 10 a.m. Mass in Glasnevin to denounce a sermon in which the priest referred to "gloating headlines" about the late paedophile priest Brendan Smyth
In a letter printed in our July 25th issue, Mr Edward Pimlott apparently described himself as a pillock of the community. This was our error. Mr Pimlott described himself as a pillar of the community.
- Apology in the Grantham Journal newspaper
The key was always its simplicity - no gimmicks, no fripperies, just one individual's confrontation with him or herself and the clock.
- Magnus Magnusson on Mastermind, which is to end next week after 25 years
I don't think that two adult women can exist in the same household.
- Annabel Heseltine, daughter of Tory MP Michael Heseltine, discussing mother-daughter relationships
Instructors training the future soldiers of the British army to fight potential enemies know what Wellington knew 300 years ago - you have to be cruel to be kind.
- Harry McCallion, a barrister and former member of the SAS, criticising the news that army instructors have been told to be nice to recruits
We have been all over the shop with our supermarket. It's coming home and we feel part of Belfast too. We'll have the clapometer on in Dublin and Belfast and we'll see who comes out top.
- U2
Will we remember U2 in 30 years time? I doubt it . . .
- Former Beatle George Harrison
Whatever mistakes he may have made, and it is possible he may have made many, as many of us have done, I hope South Africa will not forget the role he has played.
- Nelson Mandela, on former president F.W. de Klerk, who has resigned as head of the National Party and is leaving politics
I first fell in love with my husband when he told me I had all the sexual allure of a rotting log.
- British TV personality, Esther Rantzen
By any objective analysis, Captain Fantastic has made a complete balls of managing Ireland.
- Eamon Dunphy
I have said it before: you cannot be in two places at the one time unless you are Charlie Bird.
- Con Houlihan