There have always been lesbian and gay Travellers. Our community may have at times tried to suppress, oppress and deny this diversity. Family and faith are often considered the cornerstones of Traveller identity. As in all populations, families can demand unrealistic standards. As individuals, we all aspire to ascertain unconditional love from our family. When we cannot deliver in our attempt to be what they want us to be, there is an overwhelming sense of sadness and confusion on both sides.
Notions of sinfulness attached to lesbian or gay desires are, intrinsic within religious faith. Faith is private and should not be used by the collective to hide behind a shared thinking that attempts to dictate moral conduct. Faith may influence personal ethics but must not be a tool to denigrate free-thinking and choices.
Over the past 10 years, lesbian and gay Travellers have increasingly been supported by different versions of family. When you’re a Traveller, family events such as weddings, christenings and funerals are huge moments of pride. Imagine not having important aspects of your life honoured and celebrated. Tradition has within it an expectation that we would live our lives like our ancestors. The language of culture can be used as a great way of expecting, controlling and monitoring people’s behaviour, especially women’s. Believing that cloning one generation after another would ensure the notion that Traveller ethnicity was and is protected from disruption or corruption is naive.
Our community didn’t fall apart, nor was our ethnicity diluted, when women went to work, got educated or even fell in love with a partner of their own choosing. The approval for two women to marry should not be at the bequest of straight people’s generosity. In the same light, our ethnic status as Travellers exists as a reality, not something afforded to us on a whim by liberal settled people.
There’s a correlation of experience for those of us who know racism and those who know homophobia. Hatred, greed, bigotry and domination come from the same place, usually from the same mouths and minds. The dynamics of homophobia and racism are similar.
We, as Travellers, have shared that space of being despised, ignored, punished and disrespected. Internalised oppression can leave us believing that other groups, pushed to the edge of society, are favoured.
The perception among settled people of Travellers is negative and suggests that we are a homogeneous group. Ethnicity, however, does not equate to conformity. Cultural identity has the elasticity to stretch, shape and expand ideas regarding the “norms” of any community.
Society and all its apparatus still tell us we’re wrong because we are Travellers. Similar to what happens with Traveller ethnicity, gay people get negative messages regarding their sexuality. Many settled gay people are isolated and vulnerable. Gay people are often rejected by their families, bullied by neighbours and have had to struggle to come to terms with who they are.
Putting your politics into practice often means you have to dig deep inside yourself to eradicate elements of homophobia or racism. Over a 20-year period, my gay settled friends have had to go through a vetting process in order for me to fully trust that they were not racist. More than likely, my gay settled friends were silently screening me for homophobia. Neither of us told the other what we were doing.
Awkward silences emerge, when casual discussions drifted into homophobia or racism. When our community was being publicly punished for the actions of a few, these friends were, however, the ones that were not silent, never using the word “but . . .”; sensing ridicule and violence were never far away.
In order for us to be recognised as a minority ethnic group, we are relying on gay people’s support. Settled gay people have supported gay Pavees, at times when we, as a community, disowned or denied our gay sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles. On May 22nd, we can show our solidarity.
Rosaleen McDonagh