Trials of leaping into the path of a gently twirling baton

Newton's Optic: Even middle-class teenagers deserve a whack round the head from a policeman if they are sufficiently irritating…

Newton's Optic: Even middle-class teenagers deserve a whack round the head from a policeman if they are sufficiently irritating, a Dublin court ruled yesterday.

The jury of four men and eight other men returned a unanimous verdict of not guilty in the case of Garda Rob O'Copp, who was accused of allowing himself to be photographed assaulting three protesters at last year's Retake the Streets anti-poverty, anti-racism, anti-Bush, global world peace carnival. Retake the Streets is an independent non-party group opposed to cars, lorries and washing.

The case was brought by the Department of Public-Relations Prosecutions on behalf of alleged victims Peter Pembroke (19), Felicia Foxrock (17) and Gary Gonzaga (18) each with addresses at UCD, Donnybrook, and Tuscany. All three claimed to have been struck on the head by Garda O'Copp causing them to cry.

Mr Gonzaga also claimed to have suffered a loss of environmental consciousness after waking up in the back of a 2.8-litre diesel ambulance. During the trial the court heard how Retake the Streets had organised the rally to celebrate National Car Free Day, which occurs every year on the first Saturday after the Leaving Cert when members ask their parents for a free car.

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The event began peacefully outside the GPO with a ceremonial burning of provisional licences then moved on at around 2 p.m. to Chris de Burgh Quay where protesters blocked the road.

Approximately four hours later Mountjoy police station received reports that traffic was moving more slowly than usual and gardaí were dispatched to monitor the situation and maybe get a look at that girl who climbs trees naked. Ugly scenes developed as police attempted to disperse the crowd with one officer reporting "shocking numbers of hairy women". It is only from this point on that witness testimony differed.

According to defence counsel, gardaí were confronted with a terrifying mob of blood-crazed anarchists bent on murder, mayhem and the overthrow of capitalism. Officers feared for their lives so after consulting 20 nearby colleagues on the appropriate regulations and submitting a completed Human Rights Commission form 23/D/9 ("Are you in fear of your life?") Garda O'Copp drew his baton and waved it gently in the air.

Counsel alleged that shortly afterwards Mr Gonzaga jumped into the air screaming "I'll kill you all!" causing his head to make contact with the circling baton.

Under cross-examination, Garda O'Copp apologised to Mr Gonzaga, saying "I will always regret the small degree of centrifugal force accidentally applied to the defendant's head as an unforeseen consequence of his leaping into the path of my gently twirling baton."

However according to the prosecution the alleged victims were standing some distance away from the crowd reading Bibles and whistling the national anthem when Garda O'Copp appeared out of nowhere and attempted to smash their skulls. Cross-examined, Mr Gonzaga did admit to wishing for the overthrow of capitalism.

Summing up, the judge told the jury that they had three options to consider: either they believed the prosecution, or they believed the defence, or they didn't know who to believe but reckoned the victims had it coming.

Reaction to Garda O'Copp's immediate acquittal has been swift. Retake the Streets has announced a global day of direct action followed by a party in Ballsbridge. The Irish Council for Civil Liberties has called for the abolition of juries in all cases where 12 people selected at random might disagree with it. Alternative Internet news site Windymedia.ie has set up an on-line petition demanding an appeal, the overthrow of capitalism and more jobs in TV for politics graduates.

The Garda Association has welcomed the outcome but called for lessons to be learned. "It is in every stakeholder's interest that any shortcomings, if identified, should be addressed."

Garda O'Copp is not so sure. "I wasn't holding a stake," he told reporters yesterday. "I was holding a truncheon."

The trial no longer continues.

Newton Emerson edits the satirical website portadownnews.com