THE MAGPIEGERMANY'S NATIONAL team has hit a speed bump in the Euro 2008 football championship but back in the Fatherland, there's total carnage further down the pecking order.
The football authorities have banned an entire team after they lost 54-1 in a promotion derby.
All 11 players on Germany's DJK Lowen II's first team were suspended for a year after being accused of deliberately letting rivals Rheinkassell-Langel II beat them by 54 goals to, er, one.
However, Lowen have won at least one title after Cologne football authorities allowed the result to stand. "They decided that Rheinkassell weren't involved directly in the cheating so they kept the points and Lowen is now officially the worst team ever in German league football," said one fan.
***
A Dorset family says their 14-stone bull mastiff is so huge he can be seen from space. Using the Google Earth website, Boris's owners saw him on the lawn of the family hotel in Bournemouth.
"My brother-in-law was on the internet and looked at a satellite picture of our place," said Fran Milner (24). "He zoomed in a little way and noticed a big brown blob on the grass in front of the sundial. He realised it was Boris in his favourite spot. He loves lying there as it is a sun trap."
***
A woman on a hen night who didn't even know she was pregnant went into labour while dressed in a bumblebee costume.
Ally Ashwell (30) was in Blackpool on the night out when she began to feel unwell. She returned to her hotel room - "I didn't want to spoil the party," she said - where her son arrived 14 weeks prematurely. "He was tiny," said Ms Ashwell.
A spokesman for Blackpool Victoria Hospital said: "It is very unusual for a baby to be born in this situation."
***
Again on quirky canines, a toad survived inside a dog's stomach for 40 minutes after the canine ate it. It was regurgitated and hopped off, seemingly unharmed.
Bella the dog was in her backyard in Bakewell, Palmerston, in Australia, when she swallowed the toad. Owner Jackson Crews said: "I went to feed the dogs some leftover pies and pasties. I threw them on the grass and as I did I noticed a cane toad. Bella saw it and thought it was one of the pies."
The local Ark Animal Hospital responded with speed. "They gave her a needle to help her vomit," said Mr Crews. "She vomited a lot of pies and pasties but nothing else came up. Then they gave her another needle and she spewed up the cane toad."
***
Elsewhere in Australia, a drug trial lasting more than three months which cost taxpayers in excess of €600,000 was cancelled after a number of jurors were found to have spent up to half the time doing Sudoku puzzles instead of listening to evidence.
Sydney district court judge Peter Zahra cancelled the trial of two men on drug conspiracy charges after the jury foreperson admitted that four to five jurors had been playing the game.
"Some of the evidence is rather drawn-out and I find it difficult to maintain my attention the whole time," said one juror. The move surprised the defence team. "We actually all thought they were quite a diligent jury," said solicitor Robyn Hakelis.
***
An Italian couple who were caught having sex in a church confessional box during morning Mass have repented and made peace with the local bishop.
The couple, in their early 30s, were detained by police earlier this month after they made love in the confessional in the cathedral in northern Cesena.
They were cautioned for obscene acts in public and disturbing a religious function. Their lawyer said they had been drinking all night at the time.
They asked for forgiveness and the bishop apparently granted it.