It’s a common misconception that all parents will be jumping for joy when they pack their little darlings off to school at the end of the month.
I, for one, always feel a pang of sadness. Sure, I won’t have to worry about how to keep them entertained for hours on end. Yes, I will be able to work in peace. And of course, it will be a relief not to have to organise their social lives. But it’s also nice having them around.
And more importantly, the new school term brings with it a rigid routine. No more lie-ins or wearing PJs until noon: it’s back to being up at the crack of dawn with bags packed and uniforms at the ready. So it’s no wonder the post-holiday blues are hitting some parents as well as their children.
Child psychologist David Carey says it’s perfectly normal to feel slightly bereft as you wave your children goodbye on their first day back.
“At the end of summer when children return to school there is a loss to be coped with, as you have spent at least two months listening to them being around and you are going to miss it a bit,” he says. “The school routine was replaced by the summer routine, which now must be replaced again with the school routine. These sorts of family lifestyle changes bring with them a small degree of stress, and this is normal part of living and having children. No harm is done to anyone. Feelings are just feelings; they come and go and need not alarm us in most circumstances.”
But apparently sad parents are in the minority as research from online parenting community mummypages.ie says 63 per cent of mother’s breathe a sigh of relief and secretly look forward to the routine.
“As much as mums enjoy spending time with their children during the summer months, when it comes to the end of August, many are only too happy to drop their children at the school gate,” says Laura Haugh, “mum-in-residence” and spokeswoman for the website.
“Our research has shown that the emotions mums go through leading up to the first day of school is quite mixed. After an exhausting, action-packed summer, some are in need of a break while others face the daunting task of preparing their child for their first day in ‘big’ school, and for these mums it can be quite a worrying time.
“But the majority are happy to get the whole family back into a routine. It gives mum time to start organising her house after a busy summer. Back-to-school effectively means more time for mums and for those who are at work; it makes meeting the daily demands of a career and motherhood more manageable.”
Relief or not, some parents will suffer from separation and they should take steps to address it or it may cause their children to be alarmed, says psychologist Sharron Grainger.
“The idea of a quiet house and free time may not be something all parents relish,” she says. “Returning to the morning rush, the homework and quicker pace of life may all lead to increased stress, and some simply just miss having their children around the house.
“So if you work in the home and know that you are going to miss having your children around, having ‘time for yourself’ may not be what you want. The overwhelming silence in the house can be deafening. Perhaps it might be a good idea to meet up with some of the other mums over coffee or take up that long-promised exercise class or hobby. Read that book you’ve been dying to open, take a course or volunteer at your local charity shop, and before you know it the first day will be over.
“Above all else, remain calm. If you are nervous, your child will be nervous too, even at university-going age.”
Carey agrees and says parents should not become too dependent on having their children around the house. “It’s a big mistake to live your life through your children. Every parent is entitled to live their own life so long as the children are well cared for and emotionally secure.
“Once they return to school it’s important to look at your schedule and see what small bits of fun and pleasure you can bring into it. Visit friends and family from time to time; go out for coffee with a neighbour; get involved in a sport or activity or club of some kind. The best guarantee against feeling empty and lost is to add something meaningful into your life.”
mummypages.ie; davidjcarey.com; sharron@counsellor.ie
