On the airwaves: Mary Hannigan hears some common sense
While all around her were losing their heads and vowing never to speak to their big brothers and small sisters and next door neighbours again it took an exasperated Grainne to return us to terra firma with an eloquent helping of common sense and a heartfelt plea to the nation to get a grip.
"I'm moved to ring you up," she told Joe Duffy on RTÉ's Liveline yesterday afternoon before Roy Keane's statement last night. "I'm 55 years old, I've lived here all my life and the one thing I never thought I would experience in Ireland is mass hysteria. I really thought we had more to us than this. Folks, this is entertainment, this is all this is," she said of Keanegate.
"It is NOT important, it is NOT life-threatening, these men are not out there fighting for world peace or trying to discover the cure for cancer, this is football! A game! How did this ever happen to us? We used to be sane, sensible, grounded people. What has happened along the way that we have got caught up in this kind of celebrity bullshit. I'm beside myself." Heads hung in shame. Grainne was right, of course. Silly. Insane, even.
"Half my family hasn't spoken to the other half since last Thursday," as Deborah told Joe. Cripes. It's true, we're losing it. All of us. If only we could have got Roy and Mick into a room with Grainne, we'd have been grand. And the uncivil war would have been over. Too late now.
And if that hadn't worked the formula offered, "in the national interest", by another sensible caller to Liveline, a "prominent member of the legal profession" who didn't want to be identified, could have resolved the row.
"Step One," he said, "Mick McCarthy would have to express his regret, not apologise, for dealing with Keane's valid complaints about facilities in front of 22 other players, rather than in private, and for not giving Keane's views the respect that was due to him as captain.
"Step Two: Hearing that, Roy Keane should then apologise for losing his temper, for his strong and insulting language and for not giving Mick McCarthy the respect that was due to him as manager.
"Step Three: Mick McCarthy, speaking on behalf of the team, publicly invites Keane to get on a plane and come out right away.
"Step Four: Roy Keane says 'I shall be delighted to take up your kind invitation and I look forward to seeing you soon'.
"Step Five: Win World Cup."
Joe was impressed. It could work. But only, Agnes argued, if the media kept out of it. "The least said the soonest mended," she said. "The media should retreat and it'll be sorted there should be a moratorium for the next 24 hours," she added, before suggesting that Mo Mowlam should be called upon to broker a truce.
Louise, who described herself as "an auld Granny", was having none of this talk of compromise. "Roy has nothing to apologise for - it's Mick McCarthy and the FAI who should apologise," she insisted. "Why, when everything was settled, did McCarthy ask Roy up in front of the whole squad to castigate him and lambaste him, it's no wonder he lost his cool. I just think McCarthy, by his attitude and the way he has handled everything, has ruined the World Cup for everyone."
Ciaran begged to differ: "For Roy to suggest that his conscience is clear, I reckon he must be on Smirnoff Ice." Bill, meanwhile, told us, intriguingly, that "mountains will never meet, but valleys willangels are scarce in this business".
If Keane appeared to have the bulk of the callers on his side it was a view reflected in Aertel's poll yesterday, one that asked "Should Mick McCarthy accept Roy Keane back following Roy's interview with RTÉ on Monday night?".
By 7.0 last evening almost 10,000 people had voted and 94 per cent of them were behind Keane, which means there will be a lot of disappointed people this morning.
The guests on Today FM's The Last Word - former internationals, PR men, industrial relation experts and media folk - also came down in Keane's favour in the hour-long special debate on the issue before last night's news. "It's quite staggering the effect this has had on our readers," said Ger Colleran, editor of The Irish Star, "it's been meltdown on the phones".
Johnny Giles and Mark Lawrenson were not for turning, McCarthy had had no choice but to send Keane home. "I had to play with players with Ireland who I knew weren't good enough," admitted Giles. "Why are you bringing me in to it," asked Eamon Dunphy.
Some of the guests ended up falling out, a bit. Giles thought the programme had been unfair to Mick McCarthy, Colleran thought some of Giles comments were "silly although I could use stronger words". Giles didn't like that.
The only consensus, in the end, was that, as John Saunders put it, "there are some winners in this - Cameroon, Saudi Arabia, Germany and the media".
All agreed. Meanwhile, Grainne was still asking herself, "is it just me, or we have we all gone stark raving mad?"
