The dinky little bandroom in the corner of Lansdowne Road is sardine tin full for this one. In fairness double bills don't come much better. Mick McCarthy in triumph, coming to slay his detractors. Louis van Gaal in defeat coming to be barbecued with an apple in his mouth

Mick McCarthy first. He arrives wreathed in laurels, festooned by well-wishers. We hacks come wearing sackcloth and ashes. We must render unto Caesar the tributes that are due to Caesar. It's always been easier to bury him than to praise him though and our questions can't rise to the occasion. We the folks who latch onto the negative, who never accentuate the affirmative who sometimes mess with mister in between.

Good as you'd hoped for Mick? we ask as if we were in the aftermath of a salvaged draw.

"Yes" he says "as good as I'd hoped for. Having 10 men for 25 minutes, made it better and sweeter. A famous victory, hard earned by a very honest bunch of fellas."

Our instincts are to rake over the low points of course. We can't help it. That's the kind of animals we are. We could ask if this was vindication, we could ask how he felt when the goal went in, when the final whistle blew, what words he has said in the hap hap happy dressingroom. But we follow with: How did you feel when Gary Kelly was sent off?

"Great" he says (and pauses while we laugh) "I knew we were on top and with 10 men we could take the game to them."

There is another pause while we reflect on the banality of our ways.

"I can't answer that. I'm not trying to be funny. I thought lets get a striker off, lets get another defender. Lets keep it. We'll take nil nil now. Then to go on and win it was something else. I'm delighted for Jason McAteer. Epitomised the spirit."

We go from bad to worse of course. We knock McCarthy out with the dumbest question of the afternoon. One that we could ask Louis van Gaal later but don't. Instead it gets blurted out here.

"Mick, what did you think of the ref overall?"

"I thought the ref was fine (exasperated pause) . . . I really find that an incredible question. We've just had a fantastic performance, we've beaten a fantastic team with 10 men and you ask me about the ref. It disappoints me that I didn't get a better question. "

Us too, but we are a limited side playing in conditions we aren't used to. We recover ground with a gentle question. Is this the best win? In the world? Ever?

"The current win is always the best. I think it's 14 unbeaten now. That number 13 had a nasty ring to it when I came in here the last day. But look, five regular first teamers out, one sent off. It's been one of the best wins and one of the most significant." We're going well. We ask basically the same questions again. Is this the most significant win? In the world? Ever?

"It means the plan has worked." He says: "I took the two games Holland and Portugal away and everyone thought I should be in a strait-jacket and carted off to some mental institution. (No, no, we never thought that.) We caught them at the right time, we got good results. I'd have taken four draws against the big teams and beating everyone else. I think that would have been a great achievement. We've gone one step better, it's a sign we have grown up and perhaps can win it. We did ride our luck but we earned it."

We know the routine now. Stan and Duffer? Best players in the world, Mick? Best ever?

"I agree. I think Stan, what he has achieved in the game - I've just done a real selling job for Jason McAteer on telly, perhaps I should do one for Stan now - lads like that who play so well in international football, don't go knocking the current managers, there are players who I haven't picked today and you're all going (switches to using moany child's voice to depict media) why haven't you picked him, why haven't you picked him. But when two players of that quality are available and can't find teams, well."

And the plan Mick? It worked!

"Leaving Niall out. It was the thing to do. Stam and Hofland would have preferred Niall. I know playing against little fellas it's a pain in the backside them chasing up the side of you all the time twisting and turning. If I'm not sat here with a win it would look like a gamble that failed but it paid off."

Louis van Gaal arrives looking like a schoolboy about to knock on the head brother's door wherein he will be asked to hold out each hand in turn and take six belts of a leather strap. We ask Mick to be magnanimous about the Dutch

"I have to say it's a shame they're not going to the World Cup," says Mick "I wasn't going to just let him (Louis) go and he knows that. We came and we did battle and it was a terrific game. The world Cup will be less for the Dutch not being there but if we are going instead, I'm not going to be sad. It would be nice if we were all going. But for now I'm going to be professional. We have got to win again and if we do we have a chance of winning this group. Another job to do. I'll leave you."

And the table is left to Louis van Gaal. "We started well for the first 20 minutes, we created two open chances, one for Kluivert one for Zenden. We played the game we wanted to play but after that we went along with the Irish. We looked for the long ball instead of the free man in midfield.

Which is fine but he starts to ramble."But the pitch was wet and very smooth an hour before the match but due to the wind it dried out which made it more difficult for us in midfield to pass the ball along. This may sound an exaggeration but it was very important for us."

He follows up with a long pre-emptive explanation of why he took the best player on the pitch off.

"When Ireland scored the goal I thought it was their only chance in the match but at that time we were worn out, we were broken. Melchiot and Stam started playing away from their position. And with Van Hooijdonk and Nistelrooy and Kluivert up front it became crowded which is why I brought on Van Bronkhurst for Overmars although I thought Overmars was the best player on the pitch today. In the last minutes all our men were up front on the penalty box. It was too crowded."

Did you believe it was a penalty Louis, when Given brought down van Nistelrooy? "No, It's too cheap an excuse. A referee can blow or he cannot. Today he did not."

Poor man. He looks in his own words, worn out and broken but he knows the truth of it all. A World Cup without the Dutch will be a smaller, less colourful experience. And Louis has only himself to blame.