Mary Hannigan's Planet Football: Since he signed for Aston Villa from Nantes two years ago, midfielder Mathieu Berson hasn't, to say the least, had the best of times at the club. At last, though, some good news - Berson has been voted player of the year by a Villa supporters' website.

The award will come as a huge surprise to the fella, largely because he hasn't actually played a game for Villa this season (he's on loan at Auxerre). The term, we think, is "disgruntled fans".

Quotes of the week

"Glenn Roeder will think for a few minutes before making a rash decision."

- Steve Stone, on BBC Radio 5, inadvertently insulting the Newcastle caretaker manager.

"I know Rob Styles. He will get up in the morning, look in the mirror and wonder how the other seven wonders of the world got on."

- Ray Houghton, somewhat implying that referee Styles is a bit fond of himself.

"I don't think that sex one day before the game will have any harm on the player. Just sex, no problem. The problem is: they don't eat, they don't sleep, they smoke and they drink. That is the problem. Sex? No, sex is always very good, always welcome."

- Brazil coach Carlos Alberto Parreira reveals his players' pre-match routine for the World Cup.

"I love the physical battles in England. In Italy there are too many free kicks for small offences. I even miss Roy Keane."

- Cripes, Patrick Vieira must be really lonely.

"I think in life you get what you deserve. Despite my distaste for the owners, I don't wish any club bad luck. If Birmingham go down, am I going to shed a tear? No. Because the best thing about Birmingham is the road out."

- Do you think Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan has forgiven Birmingham yet for nicking Steve Bruce? See below.

"I have got no issues with Steve Bruce - I have got an issue with the imbeciles he works for."

- Jordan again.

"This British homosexual broke the game."

- Levski Sofia club president Todor Baktov after English referee Mike Riley temporarily halted the Uefa Cup game between Sofia and Schalke 04 because of racist chanting directed at Schalke player Gerald Asamoah.

ESPN make a nice wee add

If sports channel ESPN takes its latest marketing gimmick to Ireland be prepared to be left sitting on your own in the pub for several hours while the beloved man in your life visits the bathroom. "Soccer is good everywhere, but it is much better on ESPN channels," says the ad on the walls of men's loos in several Sao Paulo bars, and below it is a urinal which has a miniature goal and football. Yes, the idea is to aim and, well, score. There's so much we could say here, but we'll behave.

Wigan mourns Mahon overboard

Former Irish international Alan Mahon was, evidently, a popular figure at Wigan, so popular that when he left for Burnley recently the Wigan players went into mourning. "They wore black armbands in training and we had a minute's silence," explained manager Paul Jewell, "but I had to stop it after 20 seconds because Jimmy Bullard couldn't keep quiet that long".

Reading have a lot to learn

Football 365 spotted an interview with Reading chairman John Madejski on Sky Sports News last week in which he was asked, now that promotion to the Premiership had been secured, what would be the highlight of next season for him. "Oh, definitely the trip to Maine Road," he replied. Will we tell him or will you?

More quotes of the week

"There's no problem with Jermain. I wouldn't swap him for Miss World. He would probably swap me for Miss World though."

- Spurs manager Martin "Miss Holland" Jol on his relationship with Jermain Defoe.

"When you lose two good guys you should be affected, but, as my mum used to say: 'Even when someone dies you still get up in the morning and go for the rolls and newspapers'."

- Falkirk coach John Hughes offers sympathy to sacked Hearts pair Graham Rix and Jim Duffy, and then heads to the newsagents.

"If the most important thing for your project is to put on a circus, then you have less chance of winning things."

- Luis Figo explaining that Real Madrid's clowning around has them in the state they're in.

"Perhaps we should sign a psychologist instead of new players."

- Pavel Nedved, who reckons a bit of a mental block is to blame for Juventus's failure to bring their league form to Highbury last week.

"I don't do websites, the internet or email. Call me old-fashioned, but I believe websites are an avenue for evil."

- Luton Town manager Mike Newell after a supporters' website had a go at his players (or maybe he was just outbid on Ebay).

"It should have been his game, he should have brought out everything he had inside him to show his old fans his worth. In the end those at Highbury understood just what a good bit of business Wenger had done."

- Turin newspaper Tuttosport gives its verdict on Patrick Vieira after his fruitless return to Highbury last week.

"Patrick Vieira and I know Thierry's game so well and we both know how to stop him. He is a one-off, a world star, but he has certain defects that only a few people know about."

- Bet David Trezeguet (Juventus) wishes he'd kept the trap closed.

They haven't found out about it yet at Madrid, which is a good thing.

- David Beckham reveals to us (and, eh, Madrid) he suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder

Crazy Horse****

Rafa Benitez, like any manager, is never short of people offering him advice on how he should do his job, but it's unlikely that he expected Liverpool legend Emlyn Hughes to be one of them, not least because Hughes died in November, 2004.

But 45-year-old former policewoman Stephany Cohen has emailed Liverpool to let them know she has been contacted by the "spirit of Hughes" and he is "desperate to speak to Benitez and wants her to set up a meeting", according to the This is Local London website.

The club has yet to take Cohen up on her offer, surprising when you bear in mind that three years ago she announced that "an alien race from a distant planet had chosen her and her plumber partner, Michael Williams, to help the human race increase its knowledge".

Giver her a bell, Rafa.