Michael Walker discovers that it's not about winning or losing - or even playing the game. At 35, Tony Adams says its about finding the balance

Tony Adams took a call early yesterday morning from his daughter. She could not find her bike. Adams was sympathy personified, but, as he said: "Sweetheart, I'm at work."

Adams was sitting in Arsenal's training ground, sipping coffee, overlooking sun-blessed pitches that stretched into the distance. Some might not call it work, but when you have been travelling to this pocket of Hertfordshire for the past 19 years - and on and off for three years before that - even football becomes a job.

For Adams, the question now is for how much longer? He is 35, 36 in October, and has spent almost two thirds of his existence at the Arsenal. But on June 30th his Arsenal contract expires. He may not sign another. He certainly will not, as is assumed, move seamlessly on to the backroom staff. He may not, he said, have much to do with football at all.

His chairman, Peter Hill-Wood, said recently that he did not know what Adams was thinking in terms of his future, and Adams smiled when he was told of that yesterday.

"Well, he was speaking the truth," he said. "He doesn't know, you don't know, and I don't. I will sit down and decide in the summer whether I'll play any more."

That left an uncomfortable sense of uncertainty. Surely Adams must have had preliminary discussions with Arsene Wenger about it?

"If he (Wenger) asked me, he'd probably get the same answer you're getting," Adams replied. "The boss says that my body will tell me whether I go on or not. I agree with him. It's been painful at times this season. Physically, he says there's no reason why I shouldn't play another year. But putting your body through that intensity at the top level for that number of years, it takes its toll. I've been a professional since 1983, affiliated to the club since 1980 - it's a long time doing one thing.

"I've options. I always felt that my education suffered because I went straight into football. I've had regrets about that, so maybe I might go back to school in September."

The image of Adams turning up for class, chit-chatting in corridors and writing his name on his ruler is an amusing one, but he has already researched colleges providing sports science courses. He is serious.

"It's a three-year degree," he said. "If I ever did want to go into management further down the line - I've no plans to at the moment - then that would be useful. Psychology, man-management, physiology: you touch on everything."

It is psychology and physiology which dictate and drive Adams's life. His personal future will be shaped by his professional one, though not totally. He has undergone a metamorphosis since publicly declaring himself an alcoholic five- and-a-half years ago. From one of the game's fist-pumpers, the lock and rock of George Graham's Arsenal, he has matured into one of football's bohemians. He appears to have benefited hugely from the transition, on and off the pitch, although it cannot have been easy.

Simply being different in a monoculture such as professional football has its difficulties.

Arsenal are on course for another Double, lending greater meaning to today's derby with Spurs, and an example of Adams's alternative nature came when he spoke of the celebrations after the 1998 Double.

"I joined the lads for a quiet dinner and then we went our separate ways. I think I went for a walk with the dogs over the heath. It was okay. It's quite simple."

YET surely this philosophical and physical distance causes problems in a tight-knit dressing room? "They find me strange, I think," Adams said of his Arsenal team-mates. "I've changed a lot, I've got a lot of peace in my life. I'm quite balanced now. Football's lovely and I enjoy it, but I also enjoy being balanced. They can't understand.

"When we lost to Deportivo at home they were very, very low for a couple of days. I was, well, I was sad that we lost, but I wasn't carrying it around for days and days. A few of the lads were looking at me: 'What's happening there?' sort of thing. But it was gone - let's get on with the next. I wasn't just jumping into being a positive person. It's about acceptance."

Does their bemusement ever become annoyance?

"Sometimes. But that's okay. If I keep my side of things clean and I'm getting on okay, I show I don't care any less and my form's not dropped, then they might get the hint. It's about making judgments of other people. I just do what I do; what other people think of me has nothing to do with me. Once you've got that freedom you're okay. I do care, I am human, and if you write something nasty I can be sensitive, but I'm not going to come around your house.

"The culture is difficult to change, it reflects our (society's) culture, but the more I say it doesn't matter to me if we win the Double - though it'd be lovely if we did - then . . . I'm a winner already. Don't judge me. I have still a lot of desire, I still want to win. I know what it feels like to be first and I know what it feels like to be second. I choose to be first - it's a better feeling. But deep down I've got my self-esteem, I'm not judging myself on whether I come first or second.

"People always measure success by the trophy and they are sad if they don't get the trophy. But there is enormous pride here about what this squad has achieved, not in terms of trophies but what they've achieved. They've shown up every day, they've put 100 per cent in, we've used the whole squad and they've done their best. That's good enough. They should all be proud. They're decent human beings, they really are."

At this point Adams eased back, considered his corinthian views and said: "It's not the taking part, it's the winning that counts. That's what we used to say."

The importance of being earnest has not obliterated his humour. Talking of today's game, he laughed heartily at the question "Is Sol Campbell an Arsenal man?" and showed he himself still is by tweaking Tottenham ever so cutely.

"Of course he is, he plays for Arsenal," Adams said to the inquiry. "But I know what you mean and, yes, he's a winner.

"Sol has made the transition from Tottenham to Arsenal, from one set of supporters to another. He's had an exceptional first season for Arsenal. He's been fantastic away from home, and probably that's been easier because of the pressure he would get at Highbury."

Adams is confident the Double can be repeated - "this squad is as good as anything in the 19 years I've been here" - and another win today would be as pleasurable as always.

"The reality is we are challenging for a trophy and they're not. Their supporters will want them to beat Arsenal because they're out of the Cup, they've lost a final, they have one game left this season."

You may take the man out of Arsenal but you won't take Arsenal out of the man.

Guardian Service