A soccer miscellany compiled by MARY HANNIGAN

David O'Leary: The 77th Best Coach of the First Decade of the 21st Century

HEATED EXCHANGE IN DUBAI:WE'D almost forgotten about David O'Leary until we saw a video of him squaring up to Zlatan Ibrahimovic during the Emirates Challenge Cup game between Al Ahli and AC Milan last week – O'Leary, manager of the Dubai club, wasn't best pleased by Ibrahimovic's challenge on one of his players.

“I’m pretty sure David is, at one stage, urging the maniacal Swede to ‘Come and have a go if you think you’re ‘ard enough’, before scarpering,” said our tipster, which, when you look at the video, appears to be the case.

And speaking of O’Leary – he has tied with Claudio Ranieri at 77th in the International Federation of Football History and Statistics’ poll to decide – mouthful-alert – “The World’s Best Coach of the First Decade of the 21st Century”. We couldn’t make head nor tail of how the voting was done, but we’re guessing Sir Alexander Ferguson, as they called him, will be demanding a recount: he finished second, behind Arsene Wenger.

Giovanni Trapattoni was joint 23rd, Martin O’Neill came in at 102nd and a man by the name of Joseph Michael McCarthy was eight places lower – but still ahead of Henry James Redknapp.

The top 10

1 Arsene Wenger, 2 Alex Ferguson, 3 Jose Mourinho, 4 Fabio Capello, 5 Guus Hiddink, 6 Carlo Ancelotti, =7 Luiz Felipe Scolari and Marcelo Biesla, 9 Rafa Benitez, 10 Marcello Lippi.

Chicken run: Blackburn have the means to sway Beckham

FUNNY FARM:YOU'D have to assume Indian poultry producers Venky's are a bit puzzled by their standing with the Blackburn fans since they bought the club in November. First they were greeted by grown men wearing chicken hats, then they had the sight of chickens (live ones), wearing Blackburn scarves, being released on to the Ewood Park pitch in protest at their ownership of the club. The chickens were held in a police cell at the ground until collected after the game – hopefully not by a Venky's representative.

Wins over Liverpool and, in the FA Cup, QPR in the last week will, you'd imagine, have perked the fans up a bit. And while they won't be signing David Beckham, or Ronaldinho for that matter, as Harry Redknapp pointed out last week, they are now a formidable rival in the transfer market: "I see Blackburn are in for Beckham as well. Maybe they have more to offer him. They can offer him free chickens for life and we can't compete with that."

Wrong theme: For Bohs fundraiser

NO FESTIVE CHEER:SPARE a thought for "Placeboh", the Bohemians supporter who has gone to the trouble of setting up an internet Fantasy Football competition to raise funds for the club.

"When it was ready to go live I started tinkering with 'themes' and clicked on 'festive' – to my horror snow attached itself to the text and Christmas trees and gift-wrapped presents appeared everywhere. Took a few days to resolve that."

All is now sorted, there's divil a flake of snow on the site, so pay it a visit and do your bit – the address: www.eventelephant.com/bohemianfcfpl

Old pals share some porkies: Ince still gravitates to Bruce

OLD PALS' ROUTINE:SUNDERLAND manager Steve Bruce revealed last week that his New Year's resolution is to lose some weight, but, sounding a bit Homer Simpson-ish, almost talked himself out of the effort while describing his love for tasty grub. "I'm sick of being called Fat Head wherever I go. I don't go on the scales anymore, I am that frightened. I do like a pork pie with a can of beer. Pork sandwiches with a bit of mustard.

"Marvellous. With mustard, peas, pudding and crackling and all that. Mmmmmm."

When told about his former Manchester United pal's resolution, ahead of bringing his Notts County side to Sunderland for their FA Cup tie, Paul Ince had his doubts. "Let's see how long that resolution lasts. If we beat them perhaps he'll be back on the pork pies. When I went to United I gravitated towards Bruce because he likes a beer – still does by the size of him."

Result? Sunderland 1, Notts County 2. Steve? Back away from the pie.

Warnock rats on Diouf: El-Hadji's fan club grows

WORD OF MOUTH:"For many years I have thought he was the gutter type – I was going to call him a sewer rat but that might be insulting to sewer rats. I think he is the lowest of the low."

– QPR manager Neil Warnock shares his love for Blackburn's El-Hadji Diouf after Saturday's FA Cup game.

"The IOC? They have no transparency! Our accounts are open, theirs are not. They manage their money like a housewife. She receives some money and she spends some money."

– Fifa president Sepp Blatter criticises the International Olympic Committee for living within its means.

"The thing about Drogba is that he scores when he doesn't even play, if that's possible."

– Ian Wright, as quoted by Private Eye. Splendid.

"I don't need a tablet. Maybe it's because of the drink."

– Carlo Ancelotti explaining why he's having no trouble sleeping these days, despite Chelsea's league woes.

"He didn't want to be a coach and said as much on a number of occasions. Evidently the God of money can produce miracles."

– AC Milan's Gennaro Gattuso wishing his former pal Leonardo all the best in his new job at Inter Milan.

Not holding back: What's with all this Twitter rage?

Marvin Morgan (Aldershot)

"Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where's that going to get you! I hope you all die."

Result? Morgan was fined two weeks' wages by the club and placed on the transfer list.

Kimberley Bentley (wife of Spurs' David)

She wasn't happy with Harry Redknapp for being slow-ish to allow David leave the club during the transfer window. Tweet: "What's happening? F*** all and its starting to wind me up!! Sort it out Harry for f*** sake."

David has since joined Birmingham on loan, so Kimberley owes 'Arry a tweetin' apology.

Glen Johnson (Liverpool)

Wasn't best pleased with Sky Sports' Paul Merson on Saturday when the former Arsenal man criticised the defender's attitude this season. Tweet: "Comments from alcoholic drug abusers are not really gonna upset me and who is Paul Merson to judge players, he was average at the best of times. The only reason he's on that show is coz he gambled all his money away. The clown!"

Nice.

DUMB ANSWER: SKY Sports' Soccer AMfeatures a section called "Team-mates" where players are asked questions about, well, their team-mates.

Michael Owen took part recently, one of the questions put to him: "Who is your least intelligent team-mate?" Answer: "I'm going to upset someone here. Gibbo. Darron Gibson. Let's go for him. I don't think he is, but he's Irish, so let's call it him."

The fella's lucky Roy Keane isn't still at Old Trafford. Training would have been lively next day.

BRAVE SHOW:ROBBIE Fowler, now playing for Perth Glory, displayed admirable courage before the A-League game against Gold Coast United last week, holding up a replica of the Ashes urn just to remind the crowd – lest they'd forgotten – how the cricket had gone. "It was just a little reminder to show everyone where they are going to remain for the next two years at least," he said.

The fella was lucky he wasn't cremated himself.

Spotted on the internet

"Mick McCartree"

And you have to say, the likeness is uncanny.

No tweet today: Jose

WHAT A TWITTER:NEWCASTLE defender José Enrique didn't entirely endear himself to manager Alan Pardew when, four hours before kick-off against Spurs recently, he tweeted: "Sorry lads i have a test this morning and we decide is better dont play if no im in 100x100. Im so hungry because this game is nice to play … my hamstring is so stiff today." Pardew wasn't best pleased, having hoped to keep his line-up quiet until an hour before kick-off. Jose apologised, kind of: "And sorry i want to delete twetter just get me problems. I have some followers they speak after i say something on the papers. thanks" Would he be fit for the West Ham game, Pardew was asked? "I don't know, I'll check his tweet," he said.