A Soccer Miscellany compiled By
MARY HANNIGAN
“I think he’s perfect for us. A dinky-do footballer, or what have you. It wont take me long to get him going.”
– Ian Holloway promising to wind up his new Blackpool signing, Andy ‘Dinky Do’ Reid, like a Duracell bunny.
Bit of a front: Toni recalls Van Gaal's managerial style
ITALIAN STRIKER Luca Toni never quite hit it off with Louis van Gaal when he was at Bayern Munich, the player, now with Juventus, explaining last week he was a touch uncomfortable with the Dutch man’s managerial style.
“I had never experienced someone like him before,” he said. “I remember how he once tried to make it clear that he wasn’t afraid to drop the so-called big names – he just dropped his pants to show us that he had the balls to do it. Fortunately, I wasn’t sitting in the front row so I didn’t see anything.”
An unpleasant flash-back for the fella, by the sounds of it.
*If Liverpool supporters visiting London yesterday for the Chelsea game got a copy of the Metro from last week they would, for sure, have appreciated the suggestion contained within for a Chelsea chant: He's now a blue he was a red, Torres! Torres! He left The Kop to join The Shed, Torres! Torres! He used to go out on the rob, but now he's got a proper job Fernando Torres, Chelsea's number nine
Fundraiser: Big Bohs Gig
“Following Bohs is pure theatre,” our correspondent told us, “which is why the Olympia is the perfect venue for The Big Bohs Gig on February 19th.”
Bernard Dunne will be the master of ceremonies for the fundraising event, with RTÉ’s Joe Duffy a special guest, and while the line-up has still to be completed there’ll be music from Eoin Glackin, Rob Smith, Capture, Royseven and Brush Shiels and comedy from Eric Lalor, Karl Spain and John Colleary.
Tickets for the show are €30 and can be bought from bohemians.ie, where you’ll also get news on additions to the line-up.
Word of mouth: Aldridge gets it off his chest about Torres' departure for Chelsea
"I went to cinema at 4pm to watch The Kings Speech. When I came out and saw what had happened I nearly had a stutter too."
– Sunderland manager Steve Bruce nigh on lost for words after the madness that was transfer deadline day.
“Fernando Torres is a fake and a fraud who has spat in the faces of the Liverpool supporters who idolised him.”
– John Aldridge wishing the Spaniard all the best at Stamford Bridge.
“This is the target for every footballer – to try to play for one of the top clubs in the world and I can do it now.”
– Torres on leaving the minnows of Merseyside for the big time.
“When he first appeared on the scene he was a tall skinny kid and his co-ordination was all over the place. He reminded me of a giraffe.”
– Former Newcastle manager Glenn Roeder on how, even as young fella, Andy Carroll stood out from the crowd.
“They were happy to see the back of me and I was happy to see the back of them.”
– Curtis Davies on his move from Aston Villa to Birmingham. Everyone happy, then.
Only a game? Not in Rossi's words of war
JUVENTUS FELT more than a little aggrieved last week after their 2-1 defeat by Palermo, complaining about being denied a clear penalty. Palermo manager Delio Rossi (right), though, told them to quit their “whingeing” and suggested that the Italian media only kicks up a storm when it is Juventus who are at the end of dodgy decisions.
“I think Juve’s whingeing got more coverage than the Watergate scandal,” he said.
It was at this point that Rossi introduced the mother of all analogies. “To make a comparison, it is like when everyone talked on television about Iraq and the Gulf War, but nobody mentioned the conflict in Darfur. If we are to be indignant about war, then we should be in every case. But there is oil in Iraq, there is desert in Darfur. They fought for 10 years without anyone knowing anything. A war should always be condemned as an abuse of power, regardless of who is victim.”
And you thought it was only a game?
Fat chance: Ronaldo's hope of winning over fans
SO, HOW’S Ronaldo’s return to Brazil going? Well, there’s room for improvement, to be honest.
After Corinthians were dumped out of the preliminary rounds of the Copa Libertadores by Colombia’s Deportes Tolima “a seething mob from the Corinthians’ hooligan firm, Hawks of the Faithful, attacked the club’s training complex, painting insulting slogans on the wall and causing damage to the players’ cars,” according to the South American Football website.
The chief target of their fury? The clue was in the graffiti: “Ronaldo leave”, “Ronaldo = Propaganda” and “Shameless fatty”.
Word of mouth: For Benitez, there's dreams and then there's fantasies
“To be manager of Liverpool is a dream for me . . . if you say to me in the future would you like to be manager, for sure, no doubt about this.
When, that is the question.”
– Who wants to take over at the Liverpool helm? Eh, Rafa Benitez. Seriously.
“Overall, I was pleased with the way he played, seeing as serial killers get better publicity than he did.”
– Rangers manager Walter Smith on El Hadji “The Ripper” Diouf’s debut against Hearts.
“It’s nights like this why I don’t retire. My heart will probably go first. When I’m sat on my tractor after I’ve retired, writing the odd newspaper column, I’ll miss nights like this.”
– QPR manager Neil Warnock after his side’s 1-0 win at Reading
“I cannot measure how angry I am.”
– Arsene Wenger’s displeasure at Saturday’s second half against Newcastle? Incalculable.
“All I do is stretch, read the Bible and play Football Manager. That’s my life.”
– Derby's Miles "party animal" Addison, as quoted by the Sunday People .
