Reyes v Forlan - 'Not a single ball to Blondie' campaign: IF DIEGO Forlan was your team-mate you'd get the ball to him as often as possible, wouldn't you? He's a bit useful, after all. Oddly enough, then, there are all kinds of wacky rumours swirling around the Spanish press about Forlan's Atletico Madrid team-mate Jose Antonio Reyes leading a "Not a single ball to Blondie" campaign.
When Forlan, who, by his standards, is having a ropey season, was substituted recently during the game against Seville he wasn’t pleased, El Pais reporting the camera caught him declaring: “The whore that gave birth to him!” He wasn’t, though, referring to manager Quique Sanchez Flores, El Pais claimed, the target of his ire was, in fact, Reyes.
To back up their charge that there is truth to the “Not a single ball to Blondie” rumour, El Pais produced a bunch of statistics that did suggest the Uruguayan fella isn’t getting much service. Flores dismissed the talk as “an epic barbarity”, but the conspiracists noted with interest last week rumours of Forlan leaving for Chechnya’s Terek Grozny, now managed by Ruud Gullit – where, you’d imagine, they’d only be too eager to give the ball to Blondie.
Don't call me ugly: Tevez gets hump over TV lampoon
FIGURE OF FUN:CURIOUS NEWS from Argentina where a television show is being sued by Carlos Tevez for describing him as ugly in an animated scene lampooning the player. A Perfect World dubbed the Manchester City man "Carlitos Feo" ("Ugly little Carlos") and, delightfully, showed him "urinating in an antique vase and struggling to speak English", according to Eurosport.
"Tevez's lawyer Ana Rosenfield has confirmed he is suing the show, saying that Tevez, "is not going to accept this taunt against his honour and his background".
A hearing is expected to go ahead next week."
How do these things work? Does a panel of judges have to decide whether Tevez is beauty or the beast?
We'll keep you posted.
The great and the good: Gibson shoots for the stars
WORD OF MOUTH:"We have a great group of players here like Smalling, me, Evans, the twins . . . if things go well we could end up being like Ryan Giggs or Paul Scholes."
– Darron Gibson, no less.
"What Dani wants is for the club to value him depending on his importance and influence within the squad."
– For speaking about himself in the third person, Barcelona should sell Dani Alves to Raggy-Arsed Rovers.
"We don't deal at Crufts, we deal with Battersea Dogs' home. We pick up the strays and bring them back."
– Stoke manager Tony Pulis on the pedigree of players he buys for the club.
"I'm just looking forward to getting home tonight, having a cup of tea and a bacon sandwich and taking the dogs out."
– Harry 'party animal' Redknapp on his plans for a wild night after Spurs advanced in the Champions League.
"He wants to control his weight a little bit because that's where he has some problems and he took the product of his wife. Never trust your wife! That is how he was caught."
– Arsene Wenger blaming Mrs Toure for Kolo's woes.
SIX MONTHS:THAT'S THE length of the ban (three of the months are suspended) handed out by the French Football Federation to Cedric Enjolras, president of FC Borne of the Haute-Loire second division. His offence? While under the influence he submitted a bid – through the FFF, as required – to buy Lionel Messi. "I'm going to have to spend three months in the bar," he sighed.
ANIMATED BALE:DO YOURSELF a favour and look up "Gareth Bale Animation" on YouTube, it's a rather sublime depiction by Richard Swarbrick of the Spurs player's hat-trick against Inter Milan in the Champions League last October. It took him 35 hours to sketch and animate the 2:06 clip – time well spent.
