Day six. England v Tunisia. Jimmy Hill's wearing a St George's Cross dickie bow. David Ginola looks at him and smiles. "I think the Hinglish are very exciting to come in to the competition," he says. Jimmy nods in agreement. "Maybe that iz why zey wear such silly things 'round zer necks," he thinks. Before previewing the afternoon's game we got a review of the previous night's violence. What an extraordinary contrast there was between the pictures on our screens of the fighting on the streets of Marseille and the scenes from Lens earlier in the evening, when thousands of Jamaicans danced and sang in celebration as they watched their nation make its debut in the World Cup finals.
Graham Kelly, the chief executive of the English Football Association, got the job of discussing the violence with Ray Stubbs, but it should come easy to Graham by now, he's discussed the same topic so many times he could do it in his sleep.
"I was sickened when I woke up this morning," he says. "Four hundred drunken fans have come here and caused immense inconvenience and distress to the other 7,000 English fans." Mmm, no mention of the immense inconvenience and distress caused to the residents of Marseille, who, one would imagine, have suddenly lost their appetite for this festival of football. The people of Toulouse must be waiting with bated breath for the arrival of the English supporters for next Monday's game against Romania. "All you need is love," blasts over the PA system at the ground. "Thankfully, things are as they should be inside the Stade Velodrome," says Barry Davies. "There's a nice atmosphere," he adds just as a section of the English supporters boo and jeer their way through the Tunisian national anthem and chant and sneer their way through the one minute's silence for the recently deceased member of the World Cup Organising Committee. A nice atmosphere? Depends on what you're used to, I suppose.
By half-time Daveed admits he's disappointed with England's display, even though they're a goal up. "They're a little bit quiet, I thought there would be a little bit more for passion," he says. "The way he is says `passion', I'm sure some of the ladies watching at home will get quite the wrong meaning from that, but I know exactly what you mean," says Jimmy, intriguingly. "What do you know about passion?" asks Des. "Well I know when HE says it, it's quite enticing." "It reminds you of days gone by." "Yes," sighs Jimmy. "A long, long time ago," remarks Alan Hansen. "Yes," he sighs again, as he silently reminisces about that romance with Mabel Applethorne in Scunthorpe back in the summer of 1951. "Ahh yes."
Full time. "Marks out of 10?" asks Des. "Nine," says Jimmy, who's long since forgotten Mabel. "Daveed?" Jimmy takes a guess at Daveed's verdict: "Wheat," he declares, nearly sending his dentures crashing in to the far wall. "Huit," says Daveed. "And I'm delighted for Sol Cambuuul, everybody knows iz feet, he is very strong."
Soon after, UTV show highlights of the game. Bobby Robson and Terry Venables offer Bob Wilson their expert opinions on the game. "I thought the Tottenham player at the back was magnificent," says Bobby, who clearly can't remember the name of the Tottenham player at the back.
"Any minuses from the performance," asks Bob. "No, nothing of minor importance . . . apart from the Tottenham player at the back getting the yellow card." Bob decides to put Bobby out of his misery. "Yes, Sol Campbell was booked," he says, as Terry tries to suppress a very large giggle. "In the last 20 minutes of the first half we played the best football of the tournament," Bobby continues. "We could have gone in at halftime four up, and four up in world football is a big result." Earth to Bobby, earth to Bobby?
