SPORT ON TELEVISION/John O'Sullivan: "That whimsical smile that plays around his generous lips is never far away." The late Barbara Cartland? Mills & Boone? Jackie Collins? Actually it was Peter Alliss, sans pareil as a commentator, irrespective of the sport, referring to Ireland's Padraig Harrington during the BBC's coverage of the Benson & Hedges International Open at The Belfry.
Alliss can almost be equated with the mythological Sirens who lured unwary sailors onto the rocks, transfixing them with their voices. The same can be said of Alliss for the manner in which he beguiles; the viewer doesn't have to be a golf fanatic to be rooted to an armchair oblivious to time slipping past.
Alliss is unpredictable but in a comforting way. He refuses to seek refuge in the banal eulogy, offers quirky observations that embrace more than just the actual golf and can be wonderfully acerbic when the mood takes him. He tugs the forelock to no golfer and there is a candour and objectivity that is pointedly lacking in Sky Sports coverage of the same sport.
He can at times be old fashioned but more often quaintly so rather than in the manner of any dust covered dinosaur. At one point in the commentary on Thursday he sighed, almost to himself: "rakes outside the bunker, the bane of my life." He benefits, though, from being surrounded by a high quality team that includes his front line co-commentator Alex Hay. They are the Statler and Waldorf of the golf world, two old duffers commentating on the evolution of the sport from equipment to personalities to the courses themselves and unravelling the threads of a tournament. To her credit, Auntie is continually looking to redefine the boundaries of golf coverage, searching out new ideas, faces or angles.
The decision to use Harrington in mini-instruction snippets alongside former Lions and England rugby centre Jeremy Guscott is a perfect illustration of how a simple format can be so effective. The Irishman's explanation and subsequent demonstration of how to play a bunker shot was concise and easily digestible for the viewer.
Harrington enjoyed an easy rapport with Guscott, making the time-outs from the tournament coverage spent in their presence considerably less of an irritant than when the hapless anchor man prattles away or wheels out an interviewee with nothing remotely interesting to contribute.
Former golfers Ken Brown and ex-Ryder Cup captain Mark James - he still plays on the tour - are fast establishing positive reputations. As befits a top quality former golfer with a reputation for being a wonderful putter, Brown brings authority and expertise to his analysis.
James, on the other hand, has a superbly dry sense of humour that is occasionally allowed to manifest itself. His laconic style adds to what is a vintage and varied blend of ingredients that render the overall product so appetising.
The same can not be said for RTÉ's documentary series on the contributions of Irish soccer internationals to the fortunes of Manchester United and Liverpool down the decades. This week's offering included snippets on Paul McGrath, Mark Lawrenson and Kevin Moran. It was an ambitious exercise for a programme that lasts only half an hour and on that basis it fails.
It was deeply unsatisfying because of the bitty nature and whistle-stop tour through the aforementioned players' careers, barely pausing for the odd sound bite. McGrath said in one segment: "I was lucky to stay with Man United for as long as I did." There followed a cosmetic treatment of McGrath's drinking exploits that pockmarked his career with United and Ireland.
Each of the aforementioned players would be worthy of a programme devoted entirely to him. Lawrenson's career-ending snapped Achilles tendon brought a two sentence explanation by the player on how he felt. Moran's segment focused on the infamous 1985 FA Cup final when he was harshly sent off for a foul on Peter Reid.
Ron Atkinson, the then United manager, described the decision as "scandalous" and was equally forthright about his role in telling Moran that he would not be able to walk up the steps at Wembley and receive his winners medal.
Moran ruefully conceded that had he stuck out his hand for one, the presentation party would have been none the wiser.
The former Dublin GAA star's cameo did provide the only moment of humour. During the course of an interview with Elton Wellsby, he was asked what his wife would say when she saw that he had to have stitches inserted for the umpteenth time.
Moran replied: "Not much because I don't have a wife." Overall though the programme disappointed because it served to trivialise or gloss over what could have been interesting aspects of each of the player's careers. It is a good idea for a programme but unfulfilling; the execution failing to live up to the conception.
At the same time this column dipped in and out of the Channel 4 programme, David Beckham and the Battle with Argentina. The format was fairly predictable in that it returned to the infamous encounter between England and Argentina during the World Cup at Wembley in 1966 for a starting point, and incorporated all manner of spats between then and the 1998 World Cup game between the countries in France.
Now the subject matter may have been familiar to many, the footage of Rattin's rant or the David Beckham-Diego Simeone contretemps, but its treatment was excellent, especially the contributions from players who had "survived" World Club championship finals that pitted British European Cup winning teams against the South American champions, in these cases Argentinian teams.
Players offered sound bites, fans too, championing both countries. The editing was very good because while many of the interviews were brief, the content, was strong enough to capture the attention: a bloated Maradona's laughing reference to the Hand of God goal, Simeone's take on the same incident watching the match at home with his father.
