PLANET FOOTBALL:Mary Hannigan's sideways look at the world of soccer
ANTO from Dublin who rang RTÉ's Livelineback in November to complain about Roy Keane's comments on handball-gate, the Ipswich manager having been less than sympathetic towards the Irish team after that night in Paris.
Anto: “I’m fuming over that Roy Keane fella, Joe. The cheek of him.
“The men of 1916 would be spinning in their graves . . . I’d knock him out if I got my hands on him. The cheek of him. He was a great player but I tell ya Joe, as a manager he’s s.*.*.t.
Even his Cork people – and I’ve never heard them do it before – even they’re calling him a langer. And that’s what he is: a langer.”
Joe: “Thanks Anto.” Anto: “Good luck.”
Playing away
JOHN Terry was, of course, a contender for the, well, liveliest away performer of the season, but Peruvian footballer Carlos “Kukin” Flores put on a bit of a show himself. He was apprehended by police after he was spotted running naked down a street, claiming that he was “being chased by a ghost”. Quite why he was starkers as he fled he didn’t explain.
Alas, Kukin was being a touch economical with the truth, eventually confessing to his wife that he had, in fact, been “engaging with dirty ladies” before being mugged. “I didn’t want her to be suspicious about ladies so I just told her it was a ghost. She failed to believe me,” he said.
No flies on Mrs Flores.
Tattoo in haste: repent at leisure
SPURS’ clinching of fourth place in the Premier League with that victory at Eastlands last week was unfortunate news for Kirk Bradley.
Why? Well, at the beginning of the season he had “Manchester City – Champions League Winners 2011” tattooed on his arm, along with a picture of the trophy. “It wasn’t until about half an hour after the final whistle that one of my mates reminded me about it and I was gutted,” he wept. “I might just get it changed so it reads ‘2012’.” Or he could change “Champions” to Europa – and then keep his fingers crossed.
Fatherhood fatigue
WAYNE Rooney earned himself a rebuke from Britain’s Fatherhood Institute – “he looks like a bit of a dinosaur” – when he confessed that he had yet to change the nappy of his 10-day-old son.
“To be fair, I have learned to do it,” he said, “but Colleen has been there and done it, like.” How much sympathy had Birmingham’s Lee Bowyer for Rooney? Divil a bit. “Do I commiserate with Wayne? Well, he’s only got one, hasn’t he,” he said, while readjusting the matchsticks keeping his eyes open.
“The twins are ill at the moment,” he said of eight-month-old Charlie and Amelie. “I think I’m more tired than I’ve ever been. I’m doing stuff that I’ve never done before. In my house, one wakes the other and it’s like a conveyor belt, especially when they are ill. I didn’t realise it would be so hard.”
We had an inkling at the time that Lee was a bit tempted to put the twins on the transfer list.
In all honesty
Nottingham Forest website:"It's almost seven months since we were last beaten away from home. What do you put that down to?"
Luke Chambers:"The fact that we didn't play for three months during the summer was a massive help."
Trap Talk
“Football is concrete. We are not a theatre, La Scala or Madison Square Garden – it’s football. Football is ball, pitch, opponent and mentality, that’s football. Results are results, a show is a show and results are different to the show. That is our belief.”
– Giovanni Trapattoni, more ’Arry Stotle than ’Arry Redknapp.
No offence intended
“I approached loads of players in the summer to play that role, but I couldn’t afford them. If you go shopping at Sainsburys and ask for some fillet steak and you don’t have the money, you can’t buy it. We have ended up with a gristly, old, fatty lump of lard up front, but at the moment he is tasting okay.”
– Cheltenham manager Martin Allen on 36-year-old Julian Alsop, a gristly old free transfer.
A question of loyalty
“I am a player for AEK for the next four years and not some tradeable product. I believe that all these years I have shown to everybody that I can honour my contracts.”
– AEK Athens defender Sotiris Kyrgiakos 10 days before joining Liverpool.
