Keith Duggan visited the Swiss camp and found the opposition in relaxed and confident mood.

We are bad Europeans. There is no other conclusion to be drawn as we stand in a hotel lobby in Portmarnock and gaze at the paradise that surrounds us.

Picture this: football players in tracksuits, over a dozen of them, lounging in various corners of the lobby. Cosy cartels of Swiss media folk at their feet. The words flow beautifully in German and French and there is much laughter. We Irish stand slack- jawed. We feel inadequate and guilty as all those squandered hours of school French cross our minds. We presume the players are talking football, but it sounds as if they could be discussing Nice or art or just the meaning of life.

The Swiss seem pleased. They are pleased that the sea is stormy. They are pleased to be in Ireland. They are pleased with the idea of a game. They are pleased to announce that they have a good chance.

"Why not, yes," reasons defender Patrick Mueller, kindly branching into a third language.

"It will be hard but possible. Football is 11 versus 11 and we know from the World Cup that Ireland are strong and hard to beat, especially here. But yes, we play for this. If not, we stay at home and look at the TV," he laughs.

Er, speaking of Roy, you must be happy he is not here?

"Every player here knows Roy Keane of Manchester. But we have to look at ourselves and not who is playing for Ireland or not."

Mueller is pleasant and relaxed and needlessly apologises for his English, which is flawless. The Swiss manager, Jacob Kuhn, can also answer questions in any language you care to throw at him. He has a nickname, Koebi. It makes him sound like fun. As it turns out, he is. Koebi and the visiting press exchange jokes in a variety of languages that we homeboys cannot understand. We squirm, missing the long, frosty silences and Beckettian exchanges of our own press affairs. Our ears prick up at three familiar syllables at swim in a torrent of foreign words. Mc. Car. Thy.

Koebi smiles.

"I met him 10 days ago after our first game," he reveals. "We talked about his problems and I understood him very well because I have my own problems too. So we are good friends now with our similar problems. I think for managers, it is the same in most countries. If you lose, tomorrow you can be certain that your problems get worse. So I have to hope that his problems are worse tomorrow."

Kuhn has a bit in common with Mick. Last year, his star Stephanes, Henchoz and Chapuisat, said, "sod this, I'm off" (in at least three languages) when they were dropped before a World Cup qualifier. Kuhn swore they would not return (sound familiar?), but, well, they did.

So they moved on and regarded the Roy Keane affair with great interest. They sense this might not be a bad time to face Ireland in Lansdowne Road.

"I do not think it will be 0-0," says Kuhn. "I hope that we can score one more goal than Ireland but it will be tough. We will see."

With Chapuisat, a legend in the German Bundesleiga, partnering new sensation Alex Frei, the Swiss have no shortage of blades.

"Against Albania it was disappointing, but if you look at the game between the two boxes, they were better. But the possibilities in the box were on our side and that was encouraging. We hope to do that here."

He is aware of the dangers at the other end, having studied Ireland's attack during the World Cup.

"Yes, the two strikers were very impressive because they work so hard and were also very efficient in all the matches in Japan. Very good players. But you know, we feel a good result is possible. Every time we go on the pitch, it is to try and win the game, but against Ireland, this will be difficult. A draw would be better for us than for Ireland, perhaps."

The perceived weakness created by the absence of Henchoz through injury is not something they worry about, a Swiss visitor explains. They have plenty of defensive cover.

"But what about the book of Mick McCarthy?" he asks brightly.

Understandably, soccer on our small island intrigues him and he has immersed himself in the many subplots.

"It is in the newspapers before the book shops? It is strange, no? And what about Roy? The people are for or against him? What if Ireland lose? What will happen?"

And then even English deserts us and we troop away sadly, leaving our Swiss friends to figure that out themselves.