IN school, Conor O'Shea's idol was Gavin Hastings. Like any callow schoolboy, the Terenure College player had watched one of the finest full backs in the world and saw only what he wanted to.
The first time O'Shea went out to face Scotland in a senior Irish jersey, in 1993, he looked across the Murrayfield turf and his eyes came to rest on the great Scot who was lining out against him not 80 yards away.
"Oh my God," said O'Shea.
The London Irish player is now basking again in the warmth of the selectors' faith, but he is no longer an idolater. Almost two years have gone by since he last played for Ireland, years away from the fold that have allowed him to look coldly at his game.
He remembers that day against Scotland and the enormous shadow of Hastings. "I couldn't believe I was out there," he says, "but one hit and all that went out the window."
There are no images to bury today facing France. No hits are needed. Few players from Ireland's game against Italy came out of the contest with the same reputation with which they went in, and from a team that was hoped to be the template for the future, five players and a coach lost their positions. O'Shea's confident display at full back was a counterpoint to a collective leaden performance. It was the first performance of his renaissance.
"I felt I played reasonably well against the Italians. I just want to continue in that way. Yeah, sure, I got disenchanted when I was left out, but it's out of your control ... I got my break.
"I've had my injuries and I've had my droppings. They are all learning things. They make you better. They strengthen you. Because when you're put down you've only two decisions to make - thanks very much, or, I like what I do and I want to do it better. I'm lucky, I got the chance now."
The World Cup quarter final against France in 1995 proved to be O'Shea's last Ireland cap before Jim Staples came in to the position. Before the World Cup he had moved from Terenure to UCD, and then onto Lansdowne, having made his Ireland debut at under 21 against Holland in 1990.
After the 1992 Students' World Cup, O'Shea was playing for the Leinster senior side. But in the 1992-93 season a broken ankle in the final Irish trial ultimately kept him out of contention for Ireland's game against Scotland.
Seven months later, he came back as part of the development squad which toured Namibia, Zimbabwe and South Africa.
The 1994 season then saw Staples struggle in his bid to depose the burgeoning O'Shea, and after Ireland's game against Australia following the Five Nations' Championship of that year, he feels that he went too quickly into a match against the LTS after surgery on his knee. He played in the following Five Nations' matches against England and Scotland, but was dropped after that.
"I look back and say `pity I played it'. I'd a patella (kneecap) problem and had some bone removed. I wasn't 100 per cent fit in that match leading up to the World Cup. I was running on one good leg and one understrength leg. When I went to get it tested, my right leg was 20 per cent the strength of my left. I was lucky the whole thing didn't collapse on me.
While Ireland's quarter final finish that summer is something that, on reflection, may take some time to better, it was O'Shea's last visit to an Ireland dressing room until the recent Italian game. Two things changed in the interim. He moved to England to take on a masters degree in sports management, and he joined London Irish and became a professional.
"I was very happy with my performances for my first seven or eight caps. Then I went through a phase where I lacked confidence for a period of time. At the World Cup I was happy with the way I played within the team, but from a personal fulfilment perspective, it wasn't the type of game I enjoyed playing.
"I think I've been given my head by the club and at national level to do what I like doing and to do what I'm best at. I feel now I'm better prepared for my second time around and I'm a lot more confident."
At London Irish, Clive Woodward instilled and nourished an attacking game. Sometimes the risks they took were "horrendous" and occasionally heavily punished, but Woodward insisted on his expansive philosophy. O'Shea was at the heart of it and his offensive instincts sharpened.
"To get the ball and go for it, see what the possibilities are and use the kick as a second option. Clive took risks, Willy (Anderson) won't do that," he says.
Struggling at the bottom of the Courage League is evidence enough of a failed policy, but in tandem with Brian Ashton coming in for Murray Kidd and Anderson deposing Woodward in London within the last six weeks, a significant number of Irish players have had to deal with unsettling moves under severe pressure.
"Yeah, you know, there's change. But we just get on with it. There is no confidence problem with the players at London Irish, but perhaps there's a collective confidence problem - and I know the line there is difficult to draw. When you get into a losing habit it's hard to get out of it. It's just scabbing off things. But I know I have confidence myself."
Ireland are in a losing habit and O'Shea is aware of the public dismay and - in some quarters - enmity. He has been pulled back into the heart of Irish rugby just as everyone outside feels that their emotional expectations have been spent. The team is rock bottom, but O'Shea's spirit has been rekindled. He radiates a can do energy from his privileged position as Ireland's first choice number 15.
"Since the advent of the 87 World Cup criticism has become open shop. You can't ignore the criticism. No one can say that. You have to take it. That's it. There's no doubt that we're a better team than we've shown. We'd want to be."
Rugby tradition says that you do not pay players for playing the game. There will be many in the East Stand today who would feel that if they were professional rugby players who performed as Ireland have done so far, the coin would glow red like hot stove plates in their pockets.
Conor O'Shea was a different player the last time he played in front of such a crowd. Today that will be his strength.
