MANAGER'S QUOTES: Tom Humphries listens in on Brian Kerr's first press conference as Republic of Ireland manager

Maybe the world is flat. Maybe pigs do fly. Perhaps football isn't a funny old game. Maybe everything you know is wrong. Take Brian Kerr, who worked for the best part of a lifetime as a lab technician in Belfield. Take Berti Vogts, one of the greatest players on one of the most cerebral German teams ever. Take Brian Kerr and give him a team absorbing the loss of Niall Quinn, Steve Staunton and Roy Keane. Subtract Steve Finnan, Shay Given, Damien Duff and Robbie Keane. Give Kerr a massive distraction the day before the game. An away game. And Kerr beats Berti 2-0.

He came into the vast auditorium which housed the post-match press conferences. "Twenty seven years working in a university," he muttered "and they bring me back to a lecture theatre."

But he was at home here as he has been at home all week. Football works the way he expects it to work. It's the constant in a topsy turvy world. Do the right things and you get the right results. He was pleased that things were still working as smoothly as they would in a lab.

"Very happy we came to win a match. I was hoping for a good start, hoping to build morale. Didn't expect to lose so many but very happy. When we had the lead Scotland came at us. Good defensive unit though, everyone worked hard, the defending started from the front with Gary (Doherty).

"Right around the pitch we worked together as a solid unit. We were made to work hard."

There were successes alright. Returns to the fold. Rehabilitations. The tradition of the green jersey working wonders. Scotland were poor it has to be conceded and before Kerr arrived his counterpart, Vogts got the sort of media inquisition which would have produced smoke from the ears of Mick McCarthy. But Ireland were good when they had no right to be, they were efficient and organised and confident. It looked like a happy ship. No place happier than the defence and one corner of it.

"Steven Carr was delighted to be back in action. Eighteen months since he played and he had a lot to handle. He did fine. Not easy to come back after so long, he was part of a solid unit."

And then some vintage Kerr. The slyest of strokes.

Question: "Some of the older players might be worried about their futures under a new manager. Mark Kinsella might have been one of them. He responded with a terrific performance tonight."

"What age is he?" asked Kerr without a grin.

"He's 30."

Sucking of breath, shaking of head.

"That's an old player alright."

A small smile creeps across the lips of Matt Holland as he appreciates, probably not for the first time, that Kerr can wield the flick-knife as well as the glad hand.

"Well," he continues, "Mark played in the World Cup during the summer. No doubts about Mark. He's an experienced player."

Roy Keane was here of course. In spirit as usual. The fans in Hampden inquired if he was watching when Ireland went 2-0 up. Then they decided he wasn't, decided he was given to solitary acts of self gratification. The public relations war this week has been a rout. Keane's standing has slumped incredibly.

The questions were unavoidable. On Tuesday evening on the night before his first full international as manager, Kerr was hit from the side, a potential derailment. The Keane controversy erupted yet again here and Kerr's voice was the latest to be added to the chorus who have been forced to comment. The timing was poor and at the same time it was convenient. He could deal with it, with his players around him. Another galvanising moment. How did he cope when the call came while he was on the Hampden pitch?

He improvised. "After I came off the pitch here I got the team in the dressingroom, I said to them that that was the end of that. I asked could we move on together now. There was a general nod of agreement. I sensed a feeling of maybe relief, that there was closure and we were going to move on together. There was no other distraction for me about it.

"We got on with the game. We had to work. I got great backing from the staff in the last few days. They are good men and I am happy that I have them around me. It was one of many issues in the last two weeks. Lots of things going on, it was just another one."

Are you aware of the statement from Manchester United?

"I made a statement last night. It was the truth."

And that's the last word. He fixes his cuffs, sticks his chin out, reminds you in a flash that his Da coached boxing. He leaves the ring. Not a mark on him.