TV View: "At international level, giving the ball away doesn't work too often," Ron Atkinson once said. Quite how ITV will survive without that level of expertise over the next three years God alone knows.
But they've dug deep, and replacing Ron ("He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it on their faces.") as Clive Tyldesley's co-commentator for Euro 2004 will be . . . Bobby Robson.
As in:
"We didn't underestimate them - they were just a lot better than we thought."
"I would have given my right arm to be a pianist."
"Eighteen months ago Sweden were arguably one of the best three teams in Europe, and that would include Germany, Holland, Russia and anybody else, if you like."
"Sarajevo isn't Hawaii."
"There will be a game where somebody scores more than Brazil and that might be the game that they lose."
In other words: the change from Ron to Bobby will be positively seamless. Zidane for Platini. Del Piero for Baggio. Rooney for Gascoigne. Gary Neville for Norman Wisdom. We'll barely notice the change.
The big, big news, though, of the telly wars is that Des Lynam, whose move from the BBC to ITV in 1999 was greeted somewhat similarly to Alan Smith's "treacherous" transfer from Leeds to Man United a few weeks back, will, a bit like Jaap Stam, be bowing out after this tournament.
Well, bowing out from his ITV football-presenting career, that is.
Rumour has it that Lynam is bound for a BBC Radio job after the championships, where his dulcet, melodious, honeyed, soothing tones will send south Cornwall ladies into a heated frenzy, but where his wiggling right eyebrow and animated moustache will be all but redundant.
Des can wiggle and animate all he likes but they won't see it in south Cornwall. That is, after all, the trouble with radio.
Speaking of dulcet, melodious, honeyed and soothing - three words: Bill, O and Herlihy.
As we know by now, he starts each tournament with a boyish vigour, but after three weeks of attempting to break up verbal punch-ups between Eamon "Eamo" Dunphy, John "Johnny" Giles and Liam "Liamo" Brady, he bears the hallmarks of a broken man.
Trevor Steven, Denis Irwin and Ray Houghton will look on aghast as the less rowdy and less cantankerous members of RTÉ's Euro 2004 pundit roster.
But with the odd "okey doke" here, and the occasional "dokey oke" there, Billo will pull through, like he always does. Even after Eamo questions Sven-Goran Eriksson and David Beckham's parentage, at which point Billo will glide, with delectable timing, to an ad-break, before asking Eamo, discreetly, off camera, to COOL IT. A tad.
RTÉ, we can trust, will call it roughly like it is.
ITV, we can be largely certain, will try, but won't. Andy Townsend, Jim Beglin, Robbie Earle, Ally McCoist and Terry Venables will form the core of their studio team, with the added threat of the occasional night-time appearance by David Baddiel and Frank Skinner.
Gary Lineker will do the hosting on the BBC, with Alan Hansen, Martin O'Neill, Peter Schmeichel, Steve Bruce, Jamie Redknapp, Peter Reid and Ian Wright joining him in the studio, from time to time, and Mark Lawrenson, Mick McCarthy, Joe Royle and Mark Bright helping John Motson and Barry Davies out with co-commentary.
Sadly, Garth Crooks will be providing featurey bits from the England camp, and others when Sven has had enough and bars him from entry.
Basement Jaxx's Good Luck, by the way, will be the BBC's theme tune for their Euro 2004 coverage.
A fine boppy tune it is too, but we're a touch concerned by one of the verses:
"Wake up baby, you're so totally deluded, you'll end up old and lonely, if you don't get a bullet in your head."
Cripes. No pressure, Sven.
