TV View: Forgive the digression but RTÉ 1 was showing a programme last night about two couples getting it together after meeting up at a Macra na Feirme meeting, a kind of Gone with the Wind with wellies.

We mention this only because it clashed with that little joust at Lansdowne Road, over on RTÉ 2, and while we accept the maxim "each to their own", frankly, any one caught watching the former instead of the latter deserves to be taken out and . . . . any way. Each to their own. Which, funnily enough, was how Eamon Dunphy greeted Brian Kerr's team selection.

Before then Bill O'Herlihy somewhat underplayed what was to come by telling us we were "set up for a nail-biting and nerve-shredding night at Lansdowne Road". If only we were that calm about it all.

Billo introduced us to his panel - hello Eamon, Johnny Giles and Liam Brady - but before chatting to them showed us the highlights of Cyprus v Ireland. The trio, then, were on talking duty four seconds later.

The chances? "Hmmmmmm," said the panel after seeing the team selection. Lots of changes, but, as Liamo sort of dryly observed, "We played so badly in Cyprus there was a case for leaving every player out, apart from Given and Elliott."

Midfield? Graham Kavanagh out, John O'Shea in. "It smacks of the manager not really being on top of the situation," said Brady. "That's strong stuff," gasped Billo. "Yeah," sighed Liamo, "but maybe Brian knows better than we do."

Eamo felt obliged to intervene to try to add some positivity to the proceedings. But he sort of failed. "I cannot get my head around the idea that John O'Shea is a midfield player, ever," he said, with "ever" in large capital letters, and italics. "It's throwing it up in the air and hoping for something. . . but I don't like to kick him (Kerr) when he's down," he said, his boot sharpened at the tip.

Billo tried to raise our flagging spirits by showing us a clip from The Third Man. "In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder and bloodshed but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance," said Orson Welles, "in Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock."

Fair point. Although, to the cuckoo clock you could add "stopped Ireland from qualifying for Euro 2004", up there with the Renaissance, in terms of significant achievements.

Switzerland at home, the final group game. Billo commended Kerr for seeing to it we were home for the last fixture. "I think that's the best thing Brian's done in the group so far," said Liamo. Billo gasped again, with every tick of the cuckoo clock Liamo was more despondent.

Dunphy too. "They're in a tactical straitjacket they don't understand," he said of Ireland, before comforting us by pointing out "Switzerland are no Brazil."

The teams are out. Followed by the president. Stephen Carr winks at her and waves at the camera. Is the lad on happy pills? The first time he's been spotted smiling since August 1998. The president gives Kerr a hug and a kiss, just to remind the Swiss "unlike yerselves, we're only neutral in name."

"The Swiss on a roll," says George Hamilton, and that was before kick-off. Ian Harte misses a free header. Alex Frei misses a free header. All square at half-time.

"Ireland have tried to force the issue without having the ability to do it; Switzerland have the ability to do it but haven't forced the issue," said Gilesie, before noting Clinton Morrison's habit of "backing in to people instead of winning the ball" was "not passion, that's stupidity". "What about having a German referee in a game involving the Swiss," asked Bill, a straw-grasping exercise of monumental proportions. "What are you implying Bill?" asked Eamo.

The second half. "The clock ticks on remorselessly," says George. As it struck 9pm the cuckoo never shut up crowing. Gary Doherty on. Are his middle names "last", "throw", "of", "the" and "dice"? Oh to be the Faroe Islands, chilled out of a Wednesday evening. Excruciating. And when the cuckoo clock struck 90 minutes, plus added time, that was that.

"Out with a whimper," said Ray Houghton. "A shambles again, we got what we deserved, fourth spot was about right," said Gilesie. "A bitterly sad night for Irish football fans," said Dunphy. "I don't think this guy has the plot any more," he said of Kerr, "there is no doubt a change is required". Gilesie and Liamo just nodded. Three-nil, then.

"It's unbelievably depressing," concluded Bill. True. Should have watched Gone with the Wind with wellies instead.