A bluffer's guide to women's gymnastics
Q: Ah, the gymnastics. Now here’s a sport even a once-every-four-years goon like me can enjoy.
A: Good for you.
Q: You know what I like about gymnastics? It’s easy to follow. Marks out of 10, no messing about.
A: Ah. Well, not exactly.
Q: What do you mean?
A: They did away with the marks out of 10 in 2006. It’s open-ended these days.
Q: What, no more perfect 10? Like Nadia Whatyoumacallher and little Olga Thingamy?
A: All gone. Now the scoring is open-ended. When you think about it, they can get higher scores than 10 now so that should make it better for you to watch, shouldn’t it? Higher, stronger, faster and all that?
Q: Pish-posh. I liked the perfect 10. I could hang my hat on the perfect 10. I could watch some little eastern European imp tap dance along that balancing beam yoke and subtract decimal points in my head. Now I haven’t a rashers what I’m looking at.
A: You’re looking at exactly what you were looking at before. Today is the final of the team competition. Eight teams, three gymnasts apiece, four apparatus – vault, beam, uneven bars, floor. Couldn’t be simpler.
Q: Hmmmm. I suppose. That beam thing is impressive, I’ll admit.
A: Of course it is.
Q: And the floor show is always adorable.
A: Er, quite.
Q: And the way they go over to bear hugs from their coaches when they’re done, the kiss and cry and all that. I’m getting a bit emotional here.
A: Yeah, you are. Belt up, will you?
Q: Sorry. So tell me, who’s the Mary Lou Whoseherface this time around?
A: Well, it was supposed to be 17-year-old Jordyn Weiber but she made a hames of qualification for the all-around finals the other night. She came in as world champion but after stepping out of bounds in both the vault and the floor, she finished out of the final places. It means that today’s team final is her big shot at a gold medal so she can’t afford a repeat.
Q: Bummer. The Yanks are still the favourites though, right?
A: It’s between them and the Chinese, with Russia possibly somewhere in the mix.
Q: Are we talking gymnastics or geopolitics here?
A: Hey, it’s the Olympics. Can’t we do both?
For an interactive, animated guide on all Olympic events check out irishtimes.com/olympics2012/
Quick notes
Top-spoofing factoid: The word gymnastics comes from the Greek for naked – early competitors competed in the buff.
Do say:The balance beam is only four inches wide.
Don't say: The gymnasts are only four inches tall.
When: Today at 4.30pm
