Chants of the week

"Neville, lend us a chin, Neville, Neville lend us a chin."

"Neville, lend us a chin, Neville, Neville lend us a chin."

- Brighton fans in the direction of Torquay goalkeeper Neville Southall on Saturday. It seems Neville, never the slimmest, has put on a tad more weight recently.

"Too much Christmas pud, too much Christmas pud, Neville Southall, Neville Southall, too much Christmas pud."

- See above.

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"Southall looks like an elephant's bum, doo-dah, doodah. . ."

- See above.

"How wide do you want your shorts?"

- See above.

"He's fat, he's round, he bounces on the ground, Southall, Southall."

- See above. (Beginning to feel sorry for Big Nev? Me too).

"I'd rather be a Doctor than a Dick."

- Fans of Celtic (managed by Dr Josef Venglos) in the direction of fans of Rangers (managed by Dick Advocaat).

Mary Hannigan

Mary Hannigan

Mary Hannigan is a sports writer with The Irish Times