Lawrie McMenemy's decision last Friday not to accept a new contract as Northern Ireland football manager has rocked the local game. But using all the journalistic stealth at my disposal, I've got my hands on a selection of the manager's correspondence with the Irish Football Association during his time in charge.
February 9th 1998
Dear IFA,
Thank you for your kind offer of a contract to manage the Northern Ireland football team which, of course, I accept. Having been out of management for so long, the alternative at my time of life was a few games of pro-celebrity golf and slogging my way around the after-dinner circuit recycling all the old stories about Graham Taylor. Anything has to be better than that. As I said at my interview, I don't really know that much about the players but Sky Sports now do a good round-up on Sunday evening of all the games in Division Two and Three of the Nationwide League so I should be able to see most of them every week. I'm ready for all those smart-arse newspaper boys going on about my age and about this being one last easy job before I retire. But can I just put on record my determination to ensure that Northern Ireland break back quickly into the Top 75 of world football where I fervently believe they belong.
Yours in football,
Lawrie.
April 24th 1998
Dear IFA,
You doubting Thomases. After showing the mighty Switzerland the way home last night that's now two wins on the bounce for Lawrie's Green and White Army. First Slovakia, now the Swiss. Forget about the Top 75, now it's the Top 50 or bust. My search for a goal-scorer is still going on but there must be something wrong with my telephone at home because all the Premiership guys I've left loads of messages for haven't been able to get back to me. So don't blame me, blame British Telecom.
Yours in triumph,
Lawrie.
June 6th 1998
Dear IFA,
Don't panic. Okay, we were comprehensively outplayed last night by Spain and okay, losing 4-1 is never an enjoyable experience but there were definitely positives to take out of this performance. I haven't quite got round to figuring out what they were yet but when I do you'll be the first to know. I had a look at our European Championship qualifying group on the plane on the way to home and I have to say there's nothing really to worry about. Germany have never really recovered from the hammering we, sorry England, gave them in the 1966 World Cup Final. Turkey are inconsistent, Finland are boring and Moldova look like six easy points in the bag to me. Start packing your bags for Holland and Belgium.
Yours in anticipation,
Lawrie.
September 6th 1998
Dear IFA,
Picking up on the theme my last letter, do try to stay calm. Turkey is a difficult place to visit and in time our 3-0 defeat last night may not seem to be that bad a result. Everything about the way the game is played over there is so unfair. For a start, the crowds are really big and they do make a lot of noise. Visiting teams are never subjected to that sort of treatment at Windsor Park. What ever happened to fair play?
Yours in sport,
Lawrie
November 19th 1998
Dear IFA,
Weren't Moldova better than anybody, especially me, could have expected last night. Still 2-2 at home is a point gained. I really enjoyed the colourful singing from our supporters last night but when I tried to get a few bars of The Billy Boys going in the dressing-room at half time some of our players didn't seem that keen. Do you know why?
Yours quizzically,
Lawrie.
April 1st 1999
Dear IFA,
Sorry I haven't been in touch for a while but there is a lot for an international manager to do in the four-month break between matches. Luckily it has been a mild winter and I did manage to get a game of golf most days. The past few days have been disappointing, haven't they? I really thought we had the Germans on the run on Saturday until their third goal and last night the ball just wouldn't go in the net against the Moldovans. They're definitely an emerging force in world football so two draws against them can't be all that bad. The search for the new Iain Dowie should be easier now my telephone has got the all clear. Get those registration papers ready. See you in the autumn.
Yours in excitement,
Lawrie
September 6th 1999
Dear IFA,
Can I just say how surprised I was to hear from the television boys that you're offering me a new contract. After losing 3-0 at home to Turkey on Saturday I really thought the game was up. But you are to be applauded for showing faith in me even though we've only won one competitive game since I took over. There is a lot to sort out. Any chance of getting it signed before Wednesday's game against Germany? It might look bad if we get stuffed again and talks about a new contract are still going on.
Yours in hope,
Lawrie
September 30th 1999
Dear IFA,
Can anyone tell me what's happening? Don't tell me you're getting cold feet just because we've now conceded seven goals in our last two games and the press are starting to make things a bit difficult. Have the courage of your convictions and forget all this nonsense about getting a younger man in who would be more in touch with the modern game. There is no substitute for experience. Despite not having heard anything from you, I've been scouring Division Three over here looking for a striker who qualifies for us. I don't want to give too much away but we are close to getting one to put pen to paper. Not long now before Iain Dowie is history.
Yours in desperation,
Lawrie
October 15th 1999
Dear IFA,
Right, that's it. Your revised offer of a new 13-month contract simply isn't acceptable. It is bad enough that it would be up for renewal in the middle of the World Cup qualifying campaign, but how can you realistically expect me to break into the Top 75 in that short space of time? This is the end of a profitable relationship.
Yours bitterly,
Lawrie
