Mary Hannigan's Planet Football: When Birmingham City played away to Cardiff City last month the public-address announcer informed Birmingham fan Desmond Drysdale that the woman in his life had just gone into labour. The announcement drew cheers and applause from the kind-hearted section of the Cardiff support, but sighs and groans from the Birmingham section.
Why? Well, it was the 10th time in 12 months at away games that Desmond had been given such a message, leaving his fellow Blues to conclude that he must have been doing more playing away than his beloved team. Happily this is not the case: it has simply become a tradition that a divil of a Birmingham fan rings the ground they're playing in to ask for the PA announcer to pass on the "good news" to Desmond.
Chant of the week
"Who needs Mourinho, we've got Roy Keaneo."
- Sunderland fans at Derby on Saturday, hailing their new Messiah.
Melbourne expect a lot from Sydney
The Australian A League had its biggest ever crowd at the game between Melbourne Victory and Sydney FC last week, with 39,730 turning up at the Telstra Dome. A lively encounter it was too, one that Melbourne won 3-2, with one Sydney player being sent off and another ending up with a broken collarbone.
Sydney, then, went home empty-handed, with the cries of their Melbourne friends ringing in their ears: "You can stick your Sydney Harbour up your ****." Sore thing.
Quotes of the week
"It is obvious that we will lose against Germany but if we - in particular our goalkeeper - have a good day then perhaps we will keep the score down. It is no fun losing eight- or nine-nil."
- San Marino manager Giampaolo Mazza . . . before that 13-0 mishap.
"The players were very useful with their sticks."
- Michel Platini's match report on the All-Ireland hurling final, which he attended.
"He'll have a pair of sharp and canny shoulders to listen to."
- David Platt tries to explain how Alex Ferguson will be a help to Roy Keane as he embarks on his managerial career.
"I was at Charles de Gaulle airport last season coming back from Lille v Manchester United, which Lille won 1-0, and some guy called me a 'f***ing Irish b*****d'. I was with Mark Lawrenson and at first I thought it was aimed at him, but Mark said, 'No, that's you'."
- BBC radio commentator Alan Green on his popularity with United fans.
"We badly miss him. It's like there is now a little ghost dancing above our heads. We often think about him."
- Louis Saha, pining for Zinedine Zidane.
Kuqi lucky not to be frying fish
When Blackburn Rovers and Crystal Palace agreed a fee for Shefki Kuqi before the closure of the transfer window the deal appeared to be sorted out. His registration forms were faxed by Blackburn to the Football League's headquarters - well, the two clubs believed they had been. But then they were informed by the FL, after the transfer deadline had passed, that no papers had been received. Cue consternation.
The mystery was solved only when they got a phone call from the puzzled owner of a fish-and-chip shop, wondering why he was in possession of Shefki Kuqi's papers and concerned that he now owned the Finnish striker. Yep, the Blackburn official was a digit out on the number. Happily, the FL showed mercy and allowed the deal go through, otherwise Shefki would be serving battered sausages and chips for the next three years.
More quotes of the week
"My first game as a manager all those 25 years ago, we lost 9-0 at Lincoln. If you can survive a 9-0 beating at Lincoln, you can survive anything."
- Harry Redknapp remembers the glory days.
"I remember playing against them (Ossie Ardiles and Ricky Villa) in their first game because I scored our goal and played absolutely brilliantly. I outshone Ossie without a doubt. But I'd outshine Ozzy Osbourne as well."
- Martin O'Neill, coming over all modest.
"Probably some of you think I'm a greedy pig, and it's nothing like that . . . it's never been about money. For me it's about respect.
- Ashley Cole, who, incidentally, will be earning £80,000 a week at Chelsea.
"He crossed nine balls during the game, which was double anyone else on the park."
- Steve McClaren on Stewart Downing. As Football 365 asked: "So who crossed four-and-a-half balls then?"
"We could have scored a second at any time but used our experience to play out a 1-0 victory."
- Phil Neville after England's win over Macedonia. It's the way he tells 'em.
Transfers leaves some in anguish
"I had to move for my game. If you had a football brain, you could see that. But it did ruin my summer. I loved every minute of my time at Chelsea. I was roaring crying when I left."
- Damien Duff, thrilled to be moving to Newcastle.
"I'm absolutely gutted to say the least, I'm devastated. Even if I got a call from someone at the last minute - then I think there and then that I would have stayed. I can't believe I'm leaving, I really can't believe it."
- Dwight Yorke, thrilled to be moving to Sunderland. Is moving to the northeast of England really that grim a prospect?
Players of the week
A joint award this week, we simply couldn't separate San Marino goalkeeper Aldo Simoncini and Greek striker Nikos Machlas. Simoncini, of course, is unlikely to be telling his grandchildren about that 13-0 setback against Germany, while Machlas would probably like to forget his debut for APOEL FC too.
With five minutes to go in their game against Apollon Limassol, Machlas came on for APOEL FC. The referee, though, booked him for wearing a cross around his neck and sent him to the sidelines to remove it. Machlas did just that and ran back onto the pitch, only to pick up a second yellow card for entering the field of play without permission. The briefest of debuts, then.
