LockerRoom: Did you read the startling news of the manner of Dom Corrigan's dismissal from the post of Sligo football manager? Dom was just in his wet gear going out to train and, "psssst", there came a voice in the darkness and Dom was beckoned towards a van wherein two county board officials crooned a verse of It's All Over Now Baby Blue. Nothing for poor Dom to do other than to get into the jalopy and point it for home.
LockerRoom was just absorbing the implications of this sinister development when news broke from Laois that lads were wearing shiny suits at the county board and in order to big themselves up, they were asking the county hurling manager to hold out his hand for a smack. The lads felt that the manner in which Laois lost by 13 points to Kilkenny reflected badly on them. One delegate said he wouldn't like to make a comment but if he were to comment he wouldn't have taken that back lad off.
All of this reminds us of the old Jimmy Murray column in the LA Times where he invented a reliable sporting variant of Murphy's Law , to wit, nothing is ever so bad, that it can't be made worse by firing the coach.
As far as we know Murray wasn't referring to the Sligo county chairman John Murphy.
Anyway, we have come to realise that the GAA world is full of maxims and laws which might usefully be gathered together as a road map for prospective managers who fear walking into the propellers of a county board which frustratingly, can't get off the runway.
Loughnane's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Loughnane's Corollary: There are two sides to every argument unless you are personally involved, in which case there is only one.
The Mayo Football Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
1. Negative expectations yield negative results.
2. Positive expectations yield negative results.
The Ryan McMenamin Maxim of Interpersonal Relations: The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get much sleep.
The Mick O'Dwyer Rule Law of Character, Appearance And Roguery: People don't change; they only become more so.
Metalaw of the DRA: A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
Maughan's Law of All-Ireland Finals: Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.
Zen Queries on Ulster Final Day as Posited in Fermanagh: The tide comes in and the tide goes out, and what have you got? They say an elephant never forgets, but what has he got to remember?
The Forgotten Mentors Maxim of Sideline Posturing: When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Vaughan's Elementary Law of Peroxide: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
GPA Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
Damon Runyon's Law of Weak Counties: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's certainly the way to bet.
Cluxton's Cardinal Principle of Short Kick-Outs: Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.
The Corner Forward Law of Retrospective Opportunity: Players are always available for telling passes in the past tense.
PadJoe's Law of Limerick Hurling: You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you actually step into it.
Kernan's Postulate of Northern Football: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Babs' Allegorical Dictum of Donkeys and Derbys/aka The Dinny Cahill Rule: Cast no aspersion on the parentage of the alligator until you have crossed the river.
The Limerick Co Board Saw of Sacked Hurling Managers: One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs - however, many eggs can be broken without making an omelette.
Plaint of The Substituted Corner Back: The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.
The Milltown Massacre Memorial White Lies of Dressingroom Life: "Ye're every bit as good as them lads".
"As far as I'm concerned lads that first half never happened. It's no score with a half to go lads".
"Having to take you off hurts me more than it hurts you".
The Dublin Corollary White Lie: * Every man on this panel is equally important - from number one to whatsisname number forty seven.
The Brian McDonald Car Pushing Premise of The Possible: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
Waterford's Law: Any season that begins well ends badly. Any season that begins badly ends worse.
Pillar's First Law of Personnel: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.
The County Chairman's Catechism Of Media Relations: When in doubt, mumble. Anger is an adequate substitute for logic. You are consistent. The sacked manager was stubborn.
The County Treasurer's Iron Law of Parsimony: A penny saved is a penny.
LockerRoom's Premise of Punditry: The successful pundit is provided more opportunities to say things than he has things worth saying.
*(see Pillar's first law of Personnel)
