SOCCER Euro 2004: Group B: England 3 Switzerland 0 Poor Switzerland. Centuries of fine cheese and chocolate for this? They began the afternoon in Coimbra being told that if it weren't for the English they'd all be Germans now. And finished sometime later being asked if they weren't Scotland in disguise. All that and a three-goal thumping in between.
England move forward in the group stages with a win they deserved and a performance which at times hinted at the potential they have.
They argued afterwards that they were growing into the tournament, a suggestion with some merit but one which ignores the manifest defects of this Swiss side.
We'll not know the worth of this England team until they are asked to fight in their weight division again. One thing seems certain. We are moving out of the age of Owen and into the era of Rooney. The stars shine earlier and fade quicker.
After a couple of days where the rumour mill kept turning the only alteration in the England line-up was a positive one. Paul Scholes, the most severe injury doubt of the week, made the team and John Terry replaced Ledley King in defence.
They started gingerly enough as befits a team still shaken by what happened to them at the weekend. The Swiss realising that their only hope lay in disturbing English confidence set about their own task with some eagerness.
Much, too much probably, revolved around Hakan Yakin, though. The Swiss crowd chanted his name adoringly, until the game threatened to become a Yakin rally. The Swiss players looked for him and deferred to him in the course of most build ups.
And the English paid him the compliment of letting Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard take turns tracking him.
Even with that he looked dangerous. His shots and crosses from set-pieces bent treacherously in the air. His occasional attempts at issuing telling through balls were less successful but enough to keep the English watchful.
Whatever the ambition of Yakin , the English just seemed to carry too much star power.
When the breakthrough goal came after 23 minutes if was the sort of big name production which underlined the point.
Gerrard picked out David Beckham who in turn found Michael Owen. A thoughtful chip into the penalty area was met by the exuberant young Wayne Rooney. A goal to nil. The kid doing somersaults. The worry lines disappearing from English faces.
The Swiss alarmed but energised, too, had some fight left in them. Alexander Frei went just wide with a header after Christoph Spycher placed a fine cross in his path.
Minutes later Frei was prodigal again as this time Stéphane Chapuisat set him up.
The Swiss continued to have slightly the better of things till half-time.
Slighty the better of things never looked, however, as if it would be enough.
Fittingly for a team who looked less and less like scoring from open play the half closed with Hakan Yakin blasting a free over the bar after he had been fouled on the edge of the area.
As a contest the game ended just before the hour mark. Frei and Hakan had wasted good second-half chances by then and England were gathering themselves when Bernt Haas crunched illegally into a tackle on Ashley Cole, gathering his second yellow card of the afternoon. The English fans accustomed to West Brom's Haas jeered him all the way to the tunnel.
England stepped it up after that and the final half hour will have generated some interesting questions for Sven-Goran Eriksson.
The contribution of Michael Owen for the afternoon didn't amount to much more than the chip for Rooney's goal and twice , once in each half, he was placed beautifully by balls from Beckham but lacked the conviction to cash in the opportunities.
It seems a long time since Owen's wonder goal in St Etienne against Argentina and perhaps the weight of English expectation has passed naturally now to another teenager from Liverpool.
Certainly Darius Vassell when he came on looked stronger, more full of running and more full of self-confidence and in tandem with Rooney he made England look positively dangerous.
Vassell had been on the field for just four minutes when he latched onto a long ball, popped it back to Rooney who with the blithe arrogance of youth had a quick look at the goal and, almost completely ignoring the attention of Ricardo Cabanas, thumped the ball into the Swiss net off goalkeeper Jorg Stiel.
Allowing for some tiredness in the 10 remaining Swiss players there suddenly seemed the possibility of a late English avalanche of goals.
Seven minutes later Beckham steamed down the right wing and responded to the all-too-familiar sound of his old friend Gary Neville screaming for the ball on the overlap.
Neville thumped a perfect ball behind the Swiss defence but across the face of the Swiss goal. Gerrard was at the far post with a shot which put an exclamation mark at the end of a sweet passage. Three-nil.
It remained that way but Vassell might have had a goal of his own before the death. Kieron Dyer placed him with a thoughtful pass along the left touchline and again his running and strength allowed him into the danger area. His final shot, though, was weak.
England have enough confidence and talent now surely to breeze into the next round of the competition. The serious questions begin then.
Has Eriksson, a compulsive crowd pleaser, the nerve to drop Owen? Can the number of unforced errors which his team commit in every game (and which cost them both points against France) be slashed? Will David James reputation for flakiness sink the ship. Another instalment soon.