PlanetFootball: We're not, of course, doubting the veracity of a report that appeared in the Sun last week about England fans' response to the racist chanting at the game against Spain, but did they really, the day after the game, "fire a broadside at the sick senors of Spain" by chanting "One Armada and no World Cups" in reference to the Spaniards being "thrashed by English sailors when they sent the Armada to invade us in 1588"? Cue a bout of chin-scratching.
Christmas crackers on net
If you're desperately trying to think of a Christmas present to buy for that special football fan in your life here are a few suggestions, as spotted on eBay.
First, a registration plate that reads Y2EDS but, according to the seller, "when on car looks exactly like REDS", so is, therefore, perfect for anyone who supports a team that wears, well, red. Whatever way we look at it, it still reads "Y2EDS". The seller says that "due to wedding commitments I must sell this plate". It won't, we're afraid, be a big do - he's looking for £1,500, current bids: none.
Next: for 99p you can buy "My Support of Sheffield Wednesday FC". "I don't need this item any more, as I no longer support SWFC," says the seller. "My patience has dried up, I can't take it any more. I resign. If you win this auction you will receive a piece of paper notifying you that you now support Wednesday, nothing more. I hope it brings you more happiness that it has brought me. This is genuine support for sale here, glory hunters need not bid. Good Luck, you'll need it with this prize."
Next: how about a Paul "Gazza" Gascoigne toothbrush? "Child's blue Wisdom toothbrush, unopened. Gazza says 'For a winning smile, you should brush your teeth at least twice a day'." You must start your bidding at £1.99 - bids so far: none.
Finally, our favourite: a "Santa Please Stop Here - I'm an (Plymouth) Argyle fan" sign. "Brand new, 12 inches wide, eight and a half inches long, sticks on window with two suckers." Hard to believe but they're only looking for £1.99 - get in there quick.
Quotes of the week
"We conceded two goals from set-plays. At 1.30 p.m. we were in the dressing-room looking at set-plays from Bolton for 20 minutes. I showed them everything . . . what can you do - shoot the ball? The ball is in the air."
- Jose Mourinho, after being gunned down by Bolton's aerial assault.
"Rooney's so strong he can do anything. He would be the ideal person to help you move house."
- Spain's Michel Salgado, suggesting an alternative career for young Wayne.
"I am not a racist, but you lot (English press) will write what you want. You are like wolves after the deer. You are kids. You don't know anything, but I am nearly 70. I have a lot of black friends who have explained to me that the English were after them in the colonies. I have fed black people at the table in my house."
- Spanish coach Luis Aragones explaining . . . explaining . . . ah, God knows.
"They are all 20 to 30 years old, good looking men with beautiful women and thus have good psychology."
Greek coach Otto Rehhagel responding to suggestions that his team is not in good psychological shape.
It's not all just pants
"On Saturday, I'll have James Beattie breathing down my neck - I don't see how red pants will help," said Norwich defender Craig Fleming when he was told of psychic Samanda Chambers' claim that if the players wore red underpants they would finally win a Premiership game, at their 14th attempt.
"Red is the colour of positivity," she said, "the groin is where emotions are held. Wearing red here increases feelings of inner worth."
Well, as Fleming feared, Beattie scored against Norwich on Saturday . . . but Norwich won 2-1. And Samanda and her mates were in the crowd, wearing red knickers. Spooky. Mind you, Southampton wear red (and white) so we're not entirely sure where that leaves Samanda's theory.
Brazilians using their heads
What is it about Brazilian legends and headaches? "I had a big headache, I was short of air and I needed oxygen to breathe." Ronaldo, after Wednesday's 1-0 World Cup qualifying defeat at high altitude in Ecuador.
"The second I got out there I got a headache." Socrates (who wore three T-shirts, a scarf, a hat, a pair of gloves and a coat), after his 10-minute appearance for Garforth Town in their Northern League game against Tadcaster.
More quotes of the week
"If I'd said 'Frog' I wouldn't have had half the flak."
- Ron Atkinson, regretting not commenting on Marcel Desailly's nationality rather than his race.
"Chinese football kills itself."
- The Beijing Youth Daily, taking China's elimination from the World Cup well.
"Bonjour Tottenham members! We all know that this is going to be a long, hard season. We are still in the early days of the new-look structure at the club . . . but I think we have started off in the right manner."
- The opening lines of Jacques Santini's column in the newsletter received by Spurs' season-ticket holders, as reported by Tribalfootball.com. The newsletter arrived a week after Santini left the club.
"Were there racist chants against some players? This hasn't happened in the Spanish league and Spain for many years. So you (the English press) should ask yourselves: what you have done to contribute to all this."
- Spanish Federation press officer Fernando Garrido, engaging in some comical buck-passing.
Making a drive for referees
Mihai Macovei, president of Moldovan second division side Roso Floren, couldn't understand what all the fuss was about. "I didn't punch or threaten the referee, I didn't harm anybody," he said after being arrested by police officers during a game against AC Politechnica.
Afterwards he was banned until the end of the season and heavily fined. Why? Because after the referee awarded a penalty to Politechnica Floren drove his jeep on to the pitch and attempted to run the referee over. Like you do.
"I've had enough of these refs, they are so corrupt and biased that you just can't stand still anymore. You have to do something to stop this," he said. Fair enough.
