Your starter for 10: who said this, what was he talking about and which planet was he on at the time? "It is like one of those old fairytales where you see a beautiful castle but when you get inside you discover years of decay. There are plenty of cobwebs which need to be blown away and the princess is asleep on the bed. I am trying to wake her up but it takes more than one kiss."

Answer? Jupiter resident and Crystal Palace manager Alan Smith talking about his attempts to revive the club's fortunes. Soft drugs alert.