We're sure that when he was a young fella Lee Todd, bricklayer and part-time ace striker for Cross Farm Park Celtic, dreamt of making footballing history - da na, last week he did. According to Saturday's Daily Mirror Todd was sent off just two seconds after the start of the Sunday League game against Taunton East Reach Rovers.

His offence? Well, referee Peter Kearle gave what observers described as a particularly shrill blast of his whistle to start the game, prompting Todd, who was standing just in front of him, to declare: "**** me, that was loud". Kearle whipped out his red card and ordered Todd off for foul and abusive language. "Anyone else would have done the same - he nearly blew my ear off," protested the gutted striker after the game, insisting that he no intention of paying his £27 fine and would be appealing to the Football Association. He is, however, banned for 35 days . . . not that Cross Farm will miss him to much: they managed to beat Taunton 11-2 without him.