ON THE COUCH:Germany and Spain was a match-up for which the term 'intriguing prospect' was coined

‘THIS, SURELY, will be the game of the tournament,” proclaimed an expectant Bill O’Herlihy, so buoyant a forecast it would usually have had you fretting because Bill is so often let down a bagful by games he trusts will exhilarate him.

The night before had left him a bit downcast, not least when John Giles had broken it to him that “attractiveness has gone out of the game in many ways, Bill”.

“Isn’t that very sad,” he’d replied. But while Gilesie sympathised, he, in so many words, broke it to Bill that for every Iniesta there has to be a van Bommel. Otherwise we’d just take the Iniestas of this world for granted.

This, of course, was grim news for Bill but no surprise to Walter Gargano, the Uruguayan lad who returned home yesterday with Van Bommel’s studs still in his shin.

But you don’t win nothin’ without the odd cynical late-tackling hard nut, as we know, so if van Bommel leaves South Africa with a World Cup winner’s medal in his knapsack we’ll just have to accept, “c’est la footballing vie”.

Bill, though, hoped to have his faith rekindled by Germany and Spain, a match-up for which the term “intriguing prospect” was coined. And even if the players lay on 22 chaise longues for 120 minutes, browsing through an Ikea catalogue, conserving their energy for a penalty shoot-out, it would still be absorbing.

So many questions. Who might finish as top scorer? Miroslav Klose maybe? Or David Villa?

"He's a serious dude, this fella," said Eamon Dunphy, which reminded us of this slice of naughtiness from the Telegraphyesterday. Leading scorers to date: 5 – Sneijder, Villa; 4 – Higuain, Mueller; Forlan, Klose, Vittek; 0 – Heskey.

“I’m going for Spain, Bill,” said Gilesie. “I love the players they have – I like Germany’s players, but I don’t love them, Bill.”

“They’re not going to have your baby, you mean?”

“No, definitely not,” he insisted, although we were still left with a lovely image of baby Gilesie Schweinsteiger ga-ga-goo-gooing at us out of his pram.

“Spain for me Bill – and I had his baby,” said Dunphy.

Leaving the RTÉ maternity ward for the BBC we found Alan Hansen talking about “the German machine’s totally devastating total efficiency”, with a nodding Alan Shearer adding that “it looks a well-oiled machine to me”.

Hansen, in a breakthrough moment, conceded that “the Germans have integrated the machine-like performances with flair – and that’s why I’m going for Spain”. You should never write off the BBC panel, but sometimes you come awful Klose.

“It’s the World Cup under-achievers against the World Cup over-achievers,” said Gary Lineker, “if you don’t know which is which you might just be watching the wrong channel.”

It was a brush-off for non-devotees that could well have had them switching in droves to The Private Life of Cowsover on BBC2.

Match time. “It’s absorbing, not entertaining,” conceded Mark Lawrenson as the game of chess produced a stalemate rather than anything approaching check-mate in the first half. Granted, it’d have been different if Mesut Ozil had been given the penalty he’d more than earned. Never mind.

Half-time. Bill jeopardised his relationship with Gilesie by quoting an “interesting statistic”. “There was no foul for a period 26 minutes in that first half – the longest in this World Cup,” he declared.

Gilesie: “I’ll tell you what it proves, van Bommel’s not playing.”

Second half. Despite, perhaps, overwhelming evidence to the contrary, our sneaky feeling about Germany prevailing grew. Well, until in or around the moment Carles Puyol scored. The man once so magnificently described as “an unlikely combination of Stuart Pearce’s thighs, Desert Orchid’s heart and Bette Midler’s hair”.

“Bill, you can now safely write off the Germans,” said Dunphy come full-time, as Puyol’s “Barcelona Bullet”, as the Beeb’s Guy Mowbray described it, check-mated Jogi Loew’s lads. Suddenly yesterday’s Bild message to the Dutch – “We’ll see you on Sunday!” – seemed a bit poignant.

So, could the Spanish beat the Dutch?

Dunphy: “Well, van Bommel and De Jong will be in there kicking lumps out of Xavi and Iniesta.”

Bill: “And the awful thing is they’ll probably get away with it.”

Gilesie: “They have done so far, Bill.”

Bill: “And what will happen Spain in that circumstance?”

Gilesie: “They might lose.”

Heck, they might too.