Day 11. Did Johnny Giles wear that tie for a bet? If you stared at it long enough you could see the Turin Shroud. And a ginormous eagle. And Zebedee from the Magic Roundabout. And if you closed your right eye and tilted your head to the left the face of Coronation Street's Les Battersby appeared, nestled between the eagle's wings, just under Johnny's chin. Or maybe, by then (buildup to Belgium v Mexico, match 26), 2,250 minutes (plus injury time) of football in 11 days had taken its toll. "You need to get out more, meet people," said the doctor when I rang to tell him I could see Les Battersby's face in Gilesie's tie. "Skip the odd game," he said. "Skip the odd game!! You're the one who's sick."
Japan v Croatia. Japan were `triffic', as Kevin Keegan would say, but lost to a goal by Davor Suker, who was `super', as Ray Wilkins would say. (Speaking of whom - where is Ray this World Cup? Conspiracy theory: Super Ray was sacked by Triffic Kev at Fulham at the end of the season, so does this mean ITV is only big enough for the one of them?). Nodding Niall and Absolutely Andy were on duty again on Day 11 on RTE, and the topic up for discussion was the rash of red cards in the previous few games. Niall complained that it was spoiling the spectacle for fans who had paid a lot of money for their tickets. "I'd hate to buy a ticket for the front row of the theatre and see the leading actor sent off after 10 minutes of the play," he said. "Absolutely," agreed Andy. ("Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Romeo? Yoo, hoo, ROMEO?"
"Sorry Juliet, the director put him off for tackling Mr Capulet from behind.")
Belgium v Mexico. "The Belgians are all arguing with each other, that's certainly not a remedy for success," said Chris Waddle. But, by full time, they'd found their `remedy' for success - they threw away a two goal lead. Holland v Japan. "The Japanese goalkeeper won't want to watch the video of this match - it's not that he's done anything wrong, it's just he can't do anything right," said Kevin Keegan. Ruud Gullit wasn't too concerned about the rights and wrongs of the Japanese goalkeeper's display, he was just chuffed with Holland's 50 win. "They entertain the crowd and it enjoys me," he said. Big head.
Day 12. June 21st, the longest day, made longer by Jimmy Hill's re-appearance on the BBC. Germany v Yugoslavia. Jimmy's finally found a reason to love the Germans. "Unlike the Yugoslavs the German players don't go around the world, they stay in Germany and play there, they're happy with their country," he said to Gary Lineker (ex-Barcelona of Spain and Grampus Eight of Japan). And what did Jimmy expect from Germany? "Well, you would expect thoroughness from that nation, that's inbred in to them," he declared. Ahem. I think he meant `bred in to them', but, with Jimmy, you never know. Argentina v Jamaica. The Reggae Boyz are going home. Mind you, I can think of worse places to have to go than Jamaica. "Sadly, we have learnt that 18 Germans were arrested for violence in Lens today," said Bob Wilson, struggling manfully to suppress the grin that was forming below his nose.
USA v Iran. "I think Iran'll be up for it Bill," said Johnny Giles, clinching the FIFA award for `understatement of the 1998 World Cup finals'. "I hope Iran win it Bill," said Liam Brady, ending his hopes of running coaching schools in America in his lifetime.
Despite predictions to the contrary, the pre-match formalities resembled a love-in. Tom Dooley gave the Iranian captain, Ahmad Abedzadeh, a pennant and a firm handshake, Abedzadeh gave Dooley a hug, several smiles, flowers, a pennant, a box of something (talc and bubble bath?) and a silver salver. By the time he'd carried his pressies off the pitch Dooley was too exhausted to play football. So Iran won.
