CELEBRITY FANS:DERMOT BOLGER Writer, Age 51: Golf
When did you start playing golf?
In a back garden the size of an allotment in Finglas Park where I invented my own miniature course as a child. I then progressed to the much-missed Tolka Lodge pitch-and-putt course at Finglas Bridge. It had such razor-fast greens, sharply sloping down to the river that I became a demon putter. My invincibility with a putter lasted until I made the horrendous mistake of reading a manual on putting by an “expert” and I have not recovered my innocence or my stroke since. In the early 1980s, we progressed to par-three golf on a meandering course in the Dublin mountains called Pine Valley. It had swamps and alligators and a beatific manager who played opera all day on his stereo. Every Friday my dearly missed friend, the poet Conleth O’Connor, steered his battered blue Volkswagen towards the mountains and we’d play 36 holes, with an extra nine in Marley Park on the way back.
Were you a caddy as a youngster?
We barely had full sets of golf clubs, never mind caddies. I had an old, Cleary’s eight-iron, with a head the size of a 1798 pike, which was my best companion for years. I rarely encountered any trouble at night either when I cycled home with it strapped to my crossbar.
What handicap are you?
I am a humble 20 handicapper.
Where do you play these days?
I am a member of Donabate Golf Club, which is a really friendly, well-run club that I would recommend to anyone – most especially as it has the huge advantage of possessing 27 varied and attractive holes. This means that no matter how busy it is, you will generally find nine holes that are relatively free.
What’s your favourite course in the world?
I once played the Old Course at St Andrews, lured by the promise of a stay in the famous Old Course Hotel, in a room with the most famous view in golf, looking out over the 17th and 18th fairways. I somehow made a par at the Road Hole, with a seven-iron and a novena to St Jude, but by the time I reached my hotel room it was pitch dark and I had to leave at 6am to catch a plane. I stood at the window and knew this incredible vista was out there, I just never got to see it.
What makes golf a special game?
Firstly, nobody has ever emerged from a bunker and handed me an unpublished collection of poems for my opinion. Secondly, the pleasure of teaching my sons and finally the possibility I might win €3 off my big brother.
What’s frustrating about golf?
On bad days it can be a form of existentialistic angst with sticks. Also I always wind up giving my big brother €3.
What’s the best part of your game?
Generally the walk to the tee box.
What’s the worst part of your game?
It isn’t the despair that gets to me, it’s the hope.
What’s the most memorable major or tournament you’ve seen?
I spent one day at the Ryder Cup in Kildare and quickly realised this was the Celtic Tiger’s version of the Eucharistic Congress of 1932, with Ian Woosnan playing the Papal Legate. The fawning, near-religious reverence was a tad excessive. Michael Smurfit did a long interview on TV3 and I was fascinated by the fact – for no obvious reason – he kept a K Club cap balanced prominently on his knee. The cap stayed there for so long, with its logo displayed, that I began to wonder if he could possibly have a hole in the knee of his trousers. Maybe in retrospective this was the first sign the edifice of the Celtic Tiger was about to collapse.
In conversation with Richard Fitzpatrick
