World Cup TV View: 'Congratulations," says Steve Rider, "you survived two days without World Cup football." That, of course, depends entirely on how you define "survived". If Steve was simply pointing out that we were still alive, then, technically, he was correct; but if he had in mind a broader definition - like, say, we continued "to function or prosper" after two World Cup-less days - then he was more off target than your average Roberto Carlos free-kick.
Perhaps it's because Steve's roots are in golf, rather than sport, that he didn't understand the desolation that was Blank Wednesday and Empty Thursday, but fair play to him, Peter Collins certainly did.
"I don't know about you, but I couldn't have gone another day without World Cup football," he said as he welcomed us in to the RTÉ parlour for the afternoon. When you're even beginning to miss Brad and Hal from the beer ads, you know it's time for the games to recommence.
And not an altogether unsatisfactory way to resume service: Argentina v Germany. Liam Brady admitted he'd have put his life on Argentina beating Germany before the World Cup, but now he was "beginning to wobble" thanks to the unwrite-offable Germans. Hats off to him, though, for avoiding using the "you can never underestimate the Germans" line; instead, he opted for "the Germans, you can never underestimate them".
Dunphy was wobbling a bit too, reckoning it was a "bottle job" for Argentina: whether they'd show any.
Over on ITV, Ned Boulting was previewing the game by telling us about Hitler, the 1936 Olympic Games and Jesse Owens. Again. Seriously.
Match time. David Pleat takes a shine to the big German lad, Per Mertesacker, noting that he "looks like an unco-ordinated spider", meaning, we think, he's all legs but no teeth. And toothless, as it happens, both attacks proved to be.
Half-time and Sam Allardyce was sensing trouble ahead for Argentina. "They've so much possession, but they're not creating enough chances," he said. "And Jose Pekerman is upset about it. He was up off the bench demonstrating!"
Back on RTÉ, Dunphy was remonstrating with Collins, who was bemoaning the absence of goals. "If you want entertainment you should go to the pictures - this is not entertainment, this is serious," he said.
Gilesie, popcorn and supersize coke in hand, was swooning, this game was his cup of tea. "A game of chess," he swooned, complimenting Argentina's "moral courage", which he hoped they'd retain after the break. "We've had one long chapter in the first half, but I think we'll have two to three shorter chapters in the second half," he said. Beginning to think this fella wrote the book.
Second half. Well, on the off chance that you missed the game: Argentina scored, but then Jose Pekerman came over all Sven-Goran Eriksson-ish. Let's just put it this way: Germany were black and blue from pinching themselves, for the last 12 minutes of normal time and all 30 of extra time neither Riquelme nor Crespo nor Messi nor Aimar nor Saviola were on the pitch. Honest, we're not making it up.
Penalties. Oliver Kahn is hugging Jens Lehmann, wishing him all the best. And there were we thinking pigs couldn't fly. Naturally enough, Germany won. Gilesie could only conclude that Jose-Goran Pekerman had substituted Argentina's moral courage to bring on a defensive midfielder. Oh lordy.
Italy v Ukraine. The irony of it all, Oleg Blokhin looking on as his captain Andriy Shevchenko read out an anti-racism statement before the game. That'd be the same Blokhin who bemoaned the number of foreigners playing in the Ukrainian league, suggesting the country's youngsters should be learning from the likes of Shevchenko "and not some Zumba-Bumba whom they took off a tree and gave him two bananas".
First half, Blokhin's team reflected his character: dismal. "They've been really hopeless," said Martin O'Neill, rather kindly, "their plane must be parked on the tarmac outside the ground, they just look like they want to go home."
By 9.50 they were in the air.
