Letters bordering on the real truth

Last Saturday's World Cup qualifier results prompted a frenetic exchange of e-mails between Belfast and Dublin as the managers…

Last Saturday's World Cup qualifier results prompted a frenetic exchange of e-mails between Belfast and Dublin as the managers mulled over their respective afternoons. This is just a flavour of the correspondence. Belfast, Saturday night/Sunday morning:

Dear Mick,

Didn't get to see your game for obvious reasons, but I saw the highlights later on. Congratulations on a great result and on still being involved in the shake-up for qualifying places. It's certainly late for us up here - the only uncertainty we've had to deal with was when it actually became mathematically impossible for us to qualify so that all the media boys could move on to something else.

The way I see it, you and the Republic are basically where we want to be. There is no reason why we can't follow the shining example you have set, apart of course from the total absence of talent coming through and the supporters who think they should be picking the team for me.

READ MORE

Forget our recent form - five defeats in a row and only one home win over Malta doesn't give a fair reflection of how we've done. I keep telling the IFA we're going in the right direction. You know yourself what it's like with the suits. Watch your back. Enough said.

We're trying to edit a tape of the best bits from this afternoon's game against Bulgaria to take with us to the Czech Republic - it's proving to be more difficult than we thought. By the way, any chance of a lend of a player or two? We've so many injuries and Neil Lennon and Keith Gillespie have got themselves suspended for Wednesday. Look forward to hearing from you.

Yours in search of a World Cup point, Sammy.

Dublin, 5 a.m. Sunday morning:

Dear Sammy,

Always good to hear from you and even better since we're not in the same group for once. I was disappointed that there was no mention of a united Ireland team in your email. Northern Ireland would have a lot to contribute to any new set-up. Not so much in terms of players because we've got all your best young lads anyway, but because you could probably get a new stadium built without too much fuss. Only got to see the goal from your game, I'm afraid, but I'm told that was by far the best bit. As a former defender myself, I was disappointed to see you conceded yet another goal from a simple ball played over the heads of your centre-halves. That's something you might work on in training before taking on Berger, Smicer and the rest on Wednesday.

With regard to your request for players, we have problems of our own with Roy Keane suspended and the way some of our lads played yesterday. But never let it be said the hand of solidarity will not be extended between north and south. I've arranged to have Richard Dunne driven to Dundalk tonight. Can some of your people pick him up there?

Yours in football friendship, Mick.

Belfast, Sunday lunchtime:

Dear Mick,

Richard Dunne! Is there no end to your kindness? Dunne is just the sort of player we've been crying out for. Are you really sure you can spare him? You know I wouldn't ask if I didn't really need him. Lennon and Gillespie are understandably gutted at missing out on such a gruelling trip at the end of a long, exhausting season. The one up-side is that with Neil not involved, some of our more colourful supporters might call off their boycott and make the trip after all. You might have heard about that little problem we had. I thought we dealt with it really well. No point in making too much fuss.

Anyway, just to show how grateful I am, I was wondering if there were any of our fellas you might be interested in taking away to Estonia with you. Take your pick.

Yours in expectation, Sammy.

Dublin Airport, Monday morning:

Dear Sammy,

Sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you. Your offer was a very gracious one and I've spent the time since wracking my brains to see if there was anyone who would get a game with us. Lennon would have interested me but as you said he very unluckily got himself booked on Saturday. Apart from him, the majority of your fellas would struggle to get into a decent English club side. In fact, most of them do.

Apologies for being so blunt with you but I've built my reputation on calling a football spade a spade. It's nothing personal but I'm not sure we're really comparing like with like. Best of luck over there. It looks like you might need it. How's big Richard settling in?

Yours sympathetically, Mick.

Belfast International Airport, Monday afternoon:

Dear Mick,

The truth hurts sometimes, doesn't it? I have to tell you I was absolutely fuming when I got your last message. It seemed to me that you have Northern Ireland marked down as a third rate international football team and that you obviously feel the Republic are two or three rungs above us in the ladder. I didn't react at all well when I read it. But then I went out to the training pitch beside the team hotel to watch our boys going through their paces and quickly changed my mind. Wednesday won't so much be a game of football as a desperate exercise in damage limitation. I just hope we can keep it respectable and draw on those traditional qualities Northern Ireland display away from home - grit, determination and 11 men behind the ball. Richard's doing fine, by the way. Can we keep him?

Yours fearing the worst, Sammy.