Ever since they came up with the headline "Long live the mother who gave birth to you" (following Spain's astoundingly awesome 4-3 Euro 2000 win over Yugoslavia), there's been a love thing between Planet Football and the Spanish sports newspaper Marca. But? But, last week they all but guaranteed Leeds' progress to the Champions League final by slagging them off after their 0-0 defeat by Valencia.

"Leeds . . . reminded me of those poor Englishmen who invented football 15 centuries ago when they cut off a Viking's head, put it in a bag and started to kick it around, as awkward and primitive as that," they said of Davo's boys. "It's a miracle that Leeds have come this far. Madrid laughed at them, only poor finishing from Barca made it possible for them to finish like heroes at the Alamo and it's best that we forget Deportivo. Now is the time for final vengeance." Great. Just when we thought things couldn't get any worse Marca have ensured Leeds and David Batty will go through to the Champions League final. Jesus wept.