Wayne's lay-off: Planet Football wishes Wayne Rooney a speedy recovery and trusts that, if he makes it back in time to play in the World Cup, he'll be in considerably better shape than is predicted by the Leeds fan who sent us this photo (below).
Bohemians' rhapsody
News last week of the decision to go ahead with the sale of Dalymount Park was greeted with considerable sadness by many in Irish football, but Bohemians supporters at Flancare Park, where they were playing Longford Town, opted to look on the bright side: "Who needs Abramovich, we've sold our football pitch," they sang.
Mind you, by the time they'd gone 3-1 down, the tune had changed to: "We're rich, but we're really s**t".
Quotes of the week
"For him to have faith that God can heal him or make him recover will be impossible at this particular time, because I don't think he's a Christian or believes in God the way I believe in God. I can't help him, but Lord Jesus Christ can help him. Anybody who calls on Lord Jesus Christ will be saved and healed. I wish him all the best whatever decision he takes."
- Rangers' Marvin Andrews, hoping Wayne Rooney's metatarsal sees the light.
Four-Four-Two: "Who's the best player you've played with?"
Shane Long: "I'd have to say Kevin Doyle or he'll give me a kicking. It's been a great help having him come over from Cork with me - especially because he's the only one who understands what I'm saying."
- Reading's Long hails from Gortnahoe in Tipperary, hence the need for Doyle to intervene as an interpreter.
"For a long time I thought Keane was mad, so annoying. He was always shouting, arguing, criticising and being provocative. He was so selfish and egotistic."
- Jesper Blomqvist, still waiting for an invitation to Roy Keane's testimonial.
"Call it the most suicidal cock-up since the Charge of the Light Brigade. Call it the biggest national humiliation since the invasion of the Suez."
- The Daily Mail's Jeff Powell calmly assesses Phil Scolari's decision to rule himself out of the running for the England job.
"You are asking them to prove to the fans that they are not as bad as they look and you are asking them to prove to me they know the basics of the game - and they don't, that's the depressing thing."
- Manager John Robertson hinting at the reason Livingston were relegated.
"I'd love to keep playing for another year, but Dad wants me to hang up my boots and get a proper job."
- Al-Saadi Ghaddafi, whose Da (the Colonel) isn't impressed with the young fella passing his days sitting on Udinese's bench.
A club by any other name . . .
If you happen to be browsing through Welsh Premier League results next season, you'll note, perhaps with some alarm, that the mighty Total Network Solutions FC will have gone missing. Fear not, the club - the equally catchy Llansantffraid/Oswestry - is alive and well, it's just lost its sponsorship deal with TNS after the company was bought by BT.
They could, though, end up with a new name next season after the club auctioned its name sponsorship on eBay. The highest bid of £170,300.01 was, however, less than the reserve price. Whether they will accept the offer remains to be seen. And if they do we await with interest to see if they actually go by the company's name next season. And the company is? Txtchix.com.
Song of the week
"Ben-jani, whoah-oh, Ben-jani, whoah-oh, he comes from Zimbabwe, he'll score eventually."
- Portsmouth fans' patience finally paid off: Benjani Mwerawari broke his scoring duck in his 15th game for the club.
More quotes of the week
"He went: 'Who's this Sam?', thinking it was some lad."
- Coleen McLoughlin revealing how Wayne Rooney read "5am" as "Sam" in one of her text messages and assumed she was having a fling.
"I am proud to have kept the club in the Premiership . . . everywhere I have gone in the city this week I have noticed everybody is flying, because we will be the only Midlands team in the Premier League next season. There is a great mood among people in the street that this has given them a real lift."
- David O'Leary (see below).
"Words absolutely fail me - you couldn't make this up. Here is the manager who three years ago was talking about leading us into Europe, now talking about being proud we've finished in the bottom five after our worst season in the Premiership. He's actually boasting about us not being relegated. It's just unbelievable."
- Dave Woodhall, editor of an Aston Villa fanzine (see above).
"I am going to break your neck . . . I am going to break your neck and you are not going to go to World Cup."
- Osasuna's Savo Milosevic, caught by Spanish television, having a friendly on-field chat with Real Madrid defender Sergio Ramos.
"It would be a disaster for England if we had to go to the World Cup finals without Wayne. He is idolised around the country and is our main man. I think it is impossible to have a successful World Cup without Wayne."
- Steven Gerrard stays upbeat after getting news of Rooney's injury.
"We can play creamy football, but where are the crunchy bits and the hard bites?"
- Oldham manager Ronnie Moore tired of his team giving him nothing to chew on.
No flies on this Moggi
Not for the first time, Juventus general manager Luciano Moggi is in a spot of bother after Italian newspapers published transcripts from phone conversations he had with assorted football folk, including players he was attempting to tap up and an official whose job it was to appoint referees to games - the allegation being that Moggi tried to arrange "friendly" refs for Juventus' 2004-05 Champions League campaign.
Moggi, though, is well accustomed to being at the centre of similar controversies, and is frequently accused of getting up to no good. His finest response to these accusations, when asked if he was damaging the image of Italian football, was: "If your shoe is unlaced, watch out when you bend down to lace it in a field of melons. Those that see you could misunderstand you."
They certainly could.
