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Quotes of the Year

Best of the Pundits Part One

It was a vintage year for football punditry and expert analysis. Indeed if we were to share with you the entire list of the unfathomable pearls produced by our heroes through 2006 there wouldn't be a tree left standing, so much paper would we need.

We have, though, done a little trimming, just to give you a flavour of the expertise and powers of observation that inhabit the football studios and commentary boxes of this world. Fasten your seatbelts.

"There's only one person who knows how he missed that and that's Wayne Rooney, and even he doesn't know."

George Graham confuses us, Wayne Rooney and surely himself.

"Even by his high standards that was probably a miss."

David Pleat after what, by anyone's standards, was a miss by Barcelona's Samuel Eto'o against Chelsea.

" When the ball hits a defending player's arm or hand in the box it's either a penalty or it isn't."

Gary Megson helps Sky Sports viewers get to grips with the rules about penalties.

"You can't get through the game without bookings, unless you don't book anyone at all."

John Hollins helps Sky Sports viewers get to grips with the art of refereeing.

" They have to concentrate not only when they have the ball or when their opponents have the ball, but also when neither of them has the ball."

Graham Taylor helps BBC Radio listeners get to grips with . . . ?

Alan Shearer: " Gerrard's been awesome!"

Eamon Dunphy: " Gerrard's been anonymous!"

All we could conclude was that Gerrard was awesomely anonymous at the World Cup.

"They might do a Greece. Like Greece did."

We can't even remember who Terry Butcher was talking about at the World Cup, but it wasn't Greece - largely because they weren't there.

" For a game played in Cologne, that stank."

All 120 minutes of the snooze-fest that was Switzerland v Ukraine got right up Mark Lawrenson's nose.

" When it doesn't rain, it pours."

Former Middlesbrough defender Colin Cooper on BBC Radio 5 Live. We blame global warming for all this weird weather stuff.

" They're a football team without a brain. I'm not saying they're brainless as such, but there is no brain."

Eamon Dunphy on England. After that we were lost.

"It's almost impossible for referees these days - they need eyes in the back of their heads, which they haven't got."

Thanks for that information, Graham Taylor.

" Glen Johnson is an England international in the making. Although he has already played for England."

Sky Sports' Tony Gale, proving punditry is a breeze.

" Glen Roeder knows that they have to score more goals than they concede if they want to win the game."

John Anderson salutes the Newcastle manager's knowledge of the game.

" Glenn Roeder will think for a few minutes before making a rash decision."

Steve Stone, seemingly less confident than Anderson about Roeder.

" He plays with his arm on his sleeve."

Gary Birtles's tribute to Scunthorpe United captain Andy Crosby.

"Any manager will tell you they'd rather win one and lose two than draw three because you get more points."

Les Ferdinand? Get your calculator out.

"The 2,000 away fans will be unhappy. In fact half of them have gone; there's only 500 left."

Chris Waddle? Ask for a loan of Les Ferdinand's calculator.

" Andy Johnson has been playing up front on his own with James Beattie all season."

Alan Shearer acknowledges the impact Beattie is having at Goodison Park this season.

" I just believe that we, whatever way we play, should beat Portugal quite comfortably. I'm quite confident about that."

Ian Wright. Just before Portugal knocked England out of the World Cup.

"He'll have a pair of sharp and canny shoulders to listen to."

David Platt on how Alex Ferguson's talking shoulders will guide Roy Keane through the early stages of his managerial career.

"He's not determined to give in, that's for sure."

Sky Sports' Chris Kamara on how intent Graeme Souness was on surrendering at Newcastle.

" Aston Villa seem to beat the teams halfway down but struggle against the teams halfway up."

Mark Lawrenson. Mark?

" I think they'll have to throw the kitchen sink at them now a bit. Maybe not the whole sink, with all the plumbing - maybe just the taps for now."

David Pleat. Of course.

" If Livingstone don't keep their discipline the inevitable could happen."

Mark Hateley. And, inevitably, it did.

" I'm not sure about Rio Ferdinand. I always suspect defenders who want to play football."

One guess? Spot on - Jack Charlton.

" In this day and age you don't see too many footballers with two feet."

BBC Radio's Peter Allen on the chink in modern players' armour.

" Joe Cole had a slash on the edge of the box and it actually found its way back to the corner flag."

BBC Radio's Colin Cooper on Cole's extraordinary range.

" Maybe it's this thing that people are attracted by the smell from their armpits, that sort of chemistry."

Pat Dolan's theory on why Steve Staunton chose Bobby Robson as his international management consultant.

" Nobody really expected it to be honest, but I am not surprised by the outcome."

Alan Shearer on the news Sven-Goran Eriksson was to step down after the World Cup, news that predictably came out of the blue.

Commentator: "Has Emile Heskey something to prove against his former club?"

David Platt: " No, not at all . . . but he will want to show them they were wrong to sell him."

Manish Bhasin: "There's a story that Ruud van Nistelrooy may sign for Spurs. Do you think that might happen?"

Gavin Peacock: "No. He's a top striker."