Anyone see cartoonist Niall O'Loughlin on the Late Late Show on Friday? We were more than a little impressed with his caricatures of some of football's better known faces, although quite how Damien Duff and Henrik Larsson would react to these recreations of themselves we're not sure.

Drawing a laugh

Prints of these and lots more are available for sale on www.nialloloughlin.com. You'll also spot this sublime drawing of Wayne Rooney; after studying it for some time we finally remembered who it reminded us of: Alfred E Newman, that odd-looking chap who used to grace the cover of MAD magazine. D'you know, they could be brothers.

Who you calling a xenophobe?

Angered by the, eh, negative response from Manchester United supporters to Malcolm Glazer's attempts to take over the club, Bob Leffler, a spokesman for Glazer, lashed out last week, saying "the only reason they hate him . . . is xenophobia and fear of the unknown. It's our job to change that, to show that this is a true sportsman who will run your franchise like it should be run and win you championships".

By using the phrase "run your franchise" we suspect Mr Leffler ended any hopes of Old Trafford ever rocking to the sound of 69,000 fans singing "Malcolm Glazer's Red and White Army".

Anyway, the United We Stand website responded to Leffler's accusation thus: "A spokesman for Yankee Doodle, meatloaf-munchin' good ol' boy American imperialist pigdog Malcolm Glazer, has accused United fans of being 'xenophobic'." Well, they sure refuted that allegation.

Quotes of the week

"If you have two bathrooms at home and can't decide which one to use, you'll end up shitting your trousers."

- Former Brazil manager Wanderly Luxemburgo, as quoted by the Observer, explaining to a coaching forum the importance of decisiveness. Among those taking notes was Gerard Houllier - if only he'd listened to Wanderly while he was still at Liverpool.

"If, for instance, I have a choice between me dying and my father dying, then I'd choose him because he's old. As a manager, I want to kill all my opponents. But I want to do that in an ethical way."

- More Wanderly wisdom.

"I am a little bit shocked, but not particularly surprised."

- Portsmouth's Alan Knight on the unexpected predictability of Harry Redknapp's appointment at Southampton.

"If the club is moving forward and doing well I won't have to be looking anywhere else. But if it isn't looking as good, I'll have to think again in the summer."

- Steven Gerrard confirms he'll be leaving Liverpool at the end of the season.

"We have had 200 applicants, 150 from people who have sent in career records from computer games like Championship Manager and Fantasy Football."

- Portsmouth chief executive Peter Storrie on the quality of applicants for the vacant managerial job.

Diogo's damaged digit

If you're eating your breakfast, look away now.

You might have been unfortunate enough last week to read about poor Paulo Diogo, the Servette midfielder who had a bit of a mishap while celebrating his team's third goal against Schaffhausen. After climbing down from a metal fence, in front of his supporters, Diogo noted that his wedding ring had come off and was attached to the fence. As was . . . oh God . . . most of his finger.

Before the player left for hospital, the ref - and you won't believe this - booked Diogo for overdoing his celebrations. We knew taking your jersey off was a bookable offence, we didn't realising removing your finger was too.

Anyway, surgeons were unable to reattach Diogo's finger and even suggested that the remaining stump would have to be amputated. As the Sun so thoughtfully put it: "it was a goal - and not a fingertip save".

Song of the week

"God rest ye merry Kop-ite men, let nothing you dismay, for we'll still be ahead of you, come this Christmas Day."

- Everton supporters, to the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, rub salt in to the wounds of the team managed by Rafa Beneathus.

Pull in those wings

You might be aware that, in an attempt to infuriate Manchester United fans, opposing supporters sometimes do impressions of crashing aeroplanes (arms out like wings, swaying from side to side), in reference to the Munich air crash. Well, the United We Stand website we mentioned above had a story on Friday about airline Flybe offering a financial incentive to any Exeter player who scores at Old Trafford in the FA Cup third round: if they celebrate the goal "with an aeroplane gesture" they will be rewarded with £1,000. The website was incredulous, but they'll have been relieved if they read the Observer yesterday: "The offer was withdrawn when Flybe was reminded how badly aeroplane impressions have been received at Old Trafford ever since 1958."

More quotes of the week

"It's like the Alamo, except for two things: Portsmouth don't have any bullets or arrows for their bows."

- Sky Sports' Chris Kamara, as heard by Football 365. A gem, but his finest moment remains: "It's real end-to-end stuff . . . but unfortunately it's all up at Forest's end."

"I don't go to football to drink chardonnay in the boardroom with those t*****s. I have no interest in schmoozing with other Premiership chairmen. F*** them all. I am no respecter of tradition and have no time for the Manchester Uniteds and Arsenals of this world. There's nothing to admire in these clubs. They're just a bulls*** world full of bulls*** people."

- Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan, making friends in the boardrooms of the Premiership.

"He's got a big bump on his forehead, but fortunately the head-butt that he received and the consequent damage has not taken anything away from his looks."

- Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock implying that goalkeeper Paddy Kenny is no Leonardo Di Caprio look-alike.

Naked ambition

Well, it worked for the Calendar Girls so why not for Slovakian second division club FC Nitra? At the beginning of the season their coach, Ivan Galad, arranged for his squad to be photographed in the nip, but he would only unveil the snaps when the team reached the top of the table - the hope being that there would be a stampede of frenzied female supporters through the turnstiles intent on cheering the team all the way to the top.

Yep, they reached the top last week and, so, the club's website proudly presented FC Nitra uncovered, under the heading "Baby, you've never seen nothing like this before".

Very impressive too. But if they actually played in this "kit" their gates might leave Barcelona looking like a poorly supported team.