MOSTLY HURLING:Some GAA fans would see it as a capital offence if they did, but maybe it's time teams took to the field with their surnames on the backs of their jerseys, writes John Allen

THE BRITISH spent hundreds of years trying to get us to speak their language. I wonder what Charles Dickens or William Shakespeare would think if they were with us today. Would we be reading "2br>2b dat is d qstn" in Hamlet or would Dickens be arguing that Ebenezer Scrooge "wnt way OTT in hs h8red of Xmas", in the textspeak vernacular? Is the mobile phone and texting changing the English language?

The English mother tongue, as we know, is the great language of travel. We are lucky to have had such a command of it in this country. It makes life so much easier for us when we're abroad.

But the standards are dropping, my friends.They hit a new low at the Champions League final last week. What did the Russians think of us? Oh, I mean what did they think of them? What did they think of the representatives of one of the finest football clubs in Britain with their names on the backs of their shirts in lower case letters? terry, drogba, cole . . . in lower case letters? I ask you, do they have any shame? Does that club's budget not allow enough sterling to hire an English language consultant?

It was probably an oversight on Avram or Roman's part. Do the Chelsea players from France, Czech Republic, Portugal, Ivory Coast, Ghana, Germany, Brazil and Ukraine have any pride in the jersey? Are they not playing for the jersey (and the hundred thousand plus a week)? Do they realise that Lynne Truss, the apostle of the apostrophe, could be soon on their case, well on their lower case at any rate?

Will we soon have an Irish Times hurling column written in text? What will Tom and Seán make of all this ;-)

Then follow that with an intercounty team with their names emblazoned on the back of their shirts, not in lower case letters, of course.

The last All Star team of the 20th century had their names on their jerseys when they played Cork in the Canton Stadium in Boston. I thought at the time all the teams would follow suit but it hasn't happened yet.

Which county will be the pioneers? Which manager will be brave or foolish enough to take the chance? I can hear the critics: "Wouldn't they be better off now paying more attention to their hurling instead of drawing attention to themselves with their names on their jerseys," or "would you look at the head on that fella; does he think we won't know him without the name across his back?"

But it will happen sooner rather than later.

Will Mike McNamara or Justin McCarthy up the ante on Sunday and send out their charges complete with names on shirts?

A few short years ago when teams started doing their warm up on the field, we, in Cork had an anti lobby who protested we'd be a laughing stock. Now it's accepted practice.

So the real hurling season began with a whimper last Sunday in Portlaoise. No surprises. Offaly went through the motions and had the game won at half-time with five championship debutants on board. Joe Dooley will have a much different and easier job in preparing for the next day out against Kilkenny.

I'm not so sure about Dublin's position after last weekend. They weren't too impressive and were flattered by their winning margin. David O'Callaghan is a welcome addition to their team, though. The question has to be asked: what stage of their development into a championship winning team are they at right now? If they lose to Wexford will this be seen as a setback? All things considered, Dublin have to see the game as a silver-edged opportunity to reach a Leinster final.

Considering how poor John Meyler's men were in the latter stages of the league and recently against Cork in a friendly, I would suggest that, while the Metropolitans aren't ready for Kilkenny yet, they should be good enough for Wexford.

This Sunday, hopefully, we'll have a contest that will do Munster hurling justice. Apart from Clare's renaissance in the mid-90s and Waterford almost reaching the Promised Land on a few occasions this century, these counties have achieved very little in terms of major trophies. There's huge credit due to the hurling people in these areas who produce such wonderful players on teams that fall short much too often.

Just consider the underage statistics of these teams. The Banner County have never won an under-21 All-Ireland and only have one minor title, which they won in 1997. The Déise county won their last minor title in 1948 and their only under-21 title in 1992.

But it's now that matters and the past will count for nothing when these hurlers clash on Sunday. Waterford are struggling to put their best 15 on the field, while Clare are in transition of sorts and won't know what standard they've reached until they come through Sunday's contest. Will a good performance be enough for Mike McNamara? It won't be enough for Waterford or Justin McCarthy. Reaching an All-Ireland final will not be sufficient reward for the many wonderful Waterford players. They'll only take their place with the greats if they emulate the '59 team. I'm sure a good performance won't be good enough for the Clare men either.

But maybe, with Waterford's injuries and many question marks about Clare's team, we might get a close game but I would expect the Déise to come through even without mcgrath murphy r flynn.