Do you know that Manchester United song, the one composed in honour of Liverpool's treble last season? In 2001 we all had a laugh, when you won three cups you could buy in a caff, so we'll sing you a song to leave you in tears: you've not won the league for 11 years? Well, we're having none of that class of talk around these parts because in Planet Football's book a cup is a cup is a cup, even if it's the 2001 Bell's Scottish League Challenge Cup. We therefore say: Owen Coyle (right) - we salute you.
Yesterday he helped Airdrie, who he coaches, retain the BSLC Cup by scoring their first goal (his 14th in 18 games) in their 2-1 win over Alloa at somewhere called the Excelsior Stadium.
His goal completed a dizzy couple of years for Coyle - who would be categorised as a "one-club" man if he hadn't also played for Dumbarton, Clydebank, Bolton, Dundee United, Motherwell, Dunfermline and Ross County in his time - who starred in that unforgettable Robert Duvall movie, the name of which we can't remember, alongside footballing legends Ally McCoist and Claudio Reyna.
P.S. For those of you born after April 1994 Coyle won one Irish cap, away to Holland in a friendly. We were young then.
Ballinteer annexed
You might have noted there are heaps of Frenchmen earning their keep in English football these days. We're not sure of the exact number but we're certain it's one less than Sky News thinks. Eh? Well, on last Friday night's sports bulletins they credited Ree-shard Sad-lee-eh with both goals in Millwall's first division win over West Brom. Yep, sounds fairly French to us - but unless France, without us noticing, annexed that bit of Dublin known as Ballinteer Ree-shard Sad-lee-eh is better known to his loved ones as Richard Sadlier, the Irish under-21 international.
Beckham beat
Have you noticed England loves David Beckham (left) now? You have? So has the London Evening Standard's Martin Chilton who, last week, dug out a quotes from the Daily Telegraph: "This Gaultier-saronged, Posh-Spiced, Cooled Britannia, look-at-me, what-a-lad, loadsamoney, sex-and-shopping, fame-schooled, daytime-TV, overcoiffed twerp." (Telegraph leader, 1998). "This man, derided by so many little Englanders, has made England walk tall." (Telegraph sports section, 2001).
Penalty to pay
Anderlecht's Walter Baseggio (23), has never missed a penalty in the Belgian league and is so confident of his spot-kick abilities he has predicted he will not miss one all season - despite revealing he intends hitting them in the same corner every time. "My secret is that I always go for the same corner - and I do not care who knows," he told Onefootball.com. "The keeper will never get there in time, even if he picks the right corner."
Website of the week
www.uglyfootballers.com/
You know Clarence Acuna (below, right), Newcastle's Chilean international? Well, Planet Football has never felt Clarence owned a face that only a mother could love so imagine our surprise, then, when we discovered he is currently rated as the ugliest footballer in the world on uglyfootballers.com, scoring nine out of 10 on their "Ugly-o-meter". Luke Chadwick and Gareth Southgate are Clarence's closest challengers while Manchester United are leading the "ugliest team" table with the Neville brothers joining Chadwick in the top 10.
Song of the week
"This is Veron, this is Veron, this is Ver-o-o-o-n, this is Veron, this is Veron, we've waited for."
Unless you can hum This Is The One by The Stone Roses this won't work, trust us.
Raging Rangers
Yes, we admire Glasgow Rangers' trusting nature but . . . ah lads. They're playing Dynamo Moscow in the UEFA Cup next week so, naturally enough, they wanted a look at them in action before they square up. What did they do? According to Soccernet they contacted the Russians and asked them if they were playing at the weekend, the Russians replied: "nope." Rangers, bless 'em, believed them but were then a mite flabbergasted to see than Dynamo had, in fact, a game on Saturday - against Anzhi Makhachkala in the Russian Cup. "They told me there was no game at the weekend," said Rangers coach Dick Advocaat.
Quotes of the week
Sky Sports reporter before Sunderland v Manchester United match: "After the England v Germany game you said you wouldn't like to be the next Premiership manager to face Michael Owen - now you must feel pretty much the same about David Beckham?" Peter Reid: "Hmm, well, David isn't playing today."
"I thought there were some immense performances against Rosenborg and I think Didier Agathe's gone from a £50,000 player to a £29 million player."
- Martin O'Neill. Steady.
"The past is history."
Dave Bassett, in an interview with the Daily Telegraph, spotted by Football 365.
"Yes, June is a rainy season - and also we have a typhoon or two."
2002 World Cup Director Junji Ogura confirms what the BBC's Football Focus suspected - FIFA weren't exactly on the ball when they chose June to stage the tournament.
Leicester live in fear
Leicester fans, by all accounts, are less than chuffed about the appointment of Dave Bassett as Peter Taylor's successor. If any of them happened to read Giles Smith in the Telegraph last week we can't imagine their mood improved much: "As Vinnie Jones writes in Vinnie: My Life: "Dave Bassett has been a kind of god in my life - he created me." Be afraid Leicester, be very afraid.
Kelly caught out
In an interview with Soccernet former Republic of Ireland striker David Kelly, now of Motherwell, was extolling the virtues of the club's youth system and how it had produced players of the quality of Stuart Elliott and Mark Brown. Grand, except Elliott was signed from Glentoran and Brown from Rangers. On being informed of this mortifying fact Kelly replied: "Well that's a right load of . . . so forget what I was just saying." Sizzling cheeks.
Football on TV
Today: Spurs v Derby, Sky Sports 1, 8.0.
Tomorrow: Dynamo Kiev v Liverpool (Champions League), TV3, 7.45.
Wednesday: Porto v Celtic (Champions League), TV3, 7.45; Manchester United v Deportivo la Coruna (Champions League), UTV. 7.45.
Thursday: Ipswich v Helsingborgs (UEFA Cup second-round, first-leg), BBC1, 8.05.
Friday: St Patrick's Athletic v Shelbourne, Network Two, 7.30.
Sunday: Leeds v Chelsea, Sky Sports 1, 4.0.
