TV VIEW:UNSTRUCTURED CHANNEL surfing occasionally unearths something watchable that otherwise would not have caught the eye on casually leafing through the television page of a newspaper.
Last Friday evening having flatly rejected the notion of casting on eye on some pre-season soccer tournament played at a soporific pace this column happened upon the tail end of the penultimate leg of the Nations Cup showjumping season from Hickstead.
It immediately conjured images of childhood, specifically the Aga Khan trophy at the RDS on a summer’s day with Ireland’s Eddie Macken, Paul Darragh bouncing around the arena. Then there was the ubiquitous army presence, riders like captain John Ledingham unflappably pristine in full regalia, the Irish riders captivating a nation and inspiring the young to try and ape their achievements in defeating their two-fingered nemesis Harvey Smith and his cohorts.
Well not quite mimic their achievements, more a parody on the basis of a scarcity of horses in a 60-foot suburban garden. The course would be built, drawn from the materials at hand that usually included a variety of mops, dustbins, ropes, flowerpots, buckets and bits of odd shaped timber and carefully constructed to offer the ultimate test of stamina and speed.
In keeping with the RDS arena, the course opened gently before gradually increasingly in difficulty, the oxer fence just short of the flower beds could be undertaken with a two- or three-stride approach but the landing area was perilously tight as evidenced by the periodic shouts of “mind the bloody flowers,” that came through the open kitchen door.
There were one or two issues with the water jump because apparently flooding a portion of the back garden and turning it into a muddy morass was frowned upon by the superintendent. This pursuit was gradually superseded by what can only be described as “extreme showjumping” which came into vogue with the advent of the space hopper.
For those who are blissfully unaware of what a space hopper is, the internet will provide the answers. Finally the young were offered a better appreciation of how the base relationship between horse and rider dictated success and failure. A space hopper was every bit as difficult to manoeuvre as a highly strung thoroughbred; body position, weight distribution and nerve common to a successful round.
Anyway back to Hickstead. An Ireland team comprising of Cameron Hanley, Shane Sweetnam, Cian O’Connor and Billy Twomey finished third in the FEI Maydan Nations Cup with a team total of 40 faults. Germany and France were locked on 24 faults – just as an aside you’d never have won the Aga Khan trophy in the old days with 24 faults – and there was a jump off against the clock to decide the winner.
The two countries had to chose one rider apiece to compete over a course shortened to just seven fences. Sky Sports, as is their wont, treated the jump-off with an attention to the minutiae that not even the most ardent fan could watch without blinking.
They breathlessly ramped up the suspense, fretted over the pressure on the two riders and then rather curiously spoke about the pressure that the horses must be facing.
Now it’s possible to understand that the riders would be able to differentiate between success and failure and the attendant emotions; but the horses? Sky dispatched the former Olympic gymnast and current sports presenter Suzanne Dando to stand beside some fences – given her petite stature they looked enormous – providing details of the fences chosen for the jump-off and the underfoot conditions. It had been raining heavily so it didn’t come as a massive surprise to the viewer to learn that the turf was soft. Still the devil is in the detail.
Anyway the admirable 28-year-old German Janne-Frederike Meyer, the only rider to have managed a double clear round in the competition proper did so for a third time to claim victory on aesterixandobelixgoforthingaul. Sorry I made up the last bit. The name of the horse is actually Cellagon Lambrasco.
What’s wrong with simple monikers like Boomerang or Dundrum rather than saddling them with a corporate mouthful? Even the American team had a horse called Danny Boy while Ireland’s apocalyptic quartet was: South Wind VDL, Amaretto d’Arco, Rancorrado and KEC Maximum Joe.
Sky Sports rounded off the broadcast with a debate into how the British team could rack up 59 faults in finishing seventh, a result that leaves them with the very real prospect of being relegated from the elite division of the Nations Cup. To avoid the ignominy they will have to win the final leg at the RDS, when included in their number is likely to be Robert Smith, son of the legendary Harvey.
He’d relish the prospect to make a two-fingered sign of his own; the V for victory one of course.
