Moments of madness as RTE stir up ancient passions

TV View: In a somewhat inflammatory, gloating, provocative and unnecessarily antagonistic manner a Liverpool-supporting pal bet 5 that this column would largely ignore, in a sour, sulky and sullen kind of way, his team's achievement last Tuesday night at Anfield. It was an accusation that hurt, a nasty slur on our integrity (the cheque's in the post).

So, did any one watch RTÉ's Top 20 GAA Moments on Saturday? Now, this programme seemed like a nice idea to us. A chance again to see great goals, great points, great speeches, great saves, and all that. So, families settled down together, toffee popcorn in one hand, banana milkshake in the other, looking forward to an evening of gentle and nostalgic viewing.

And what happens? By the end of the programme there's toffee popcorn imbedded in the banana milkshake that's glued to the television screen.

Truly, some folk get very emotional about these things. We've witnessed it ourselves.

"Kill him!" "Pull!" "Ya feckin' EEEEEJIT!" "REF-ER-EEEEE! Put him OFF!" "Ye were always a shower of ******s!" "WIDE!" "Penalty!" "Kill him!" And this would be during a TG4 rerun of an All-Ireland final from 1972. When, as we timidly point out, it's a touch too late to be killing anyone or pulling on anything.

But that's the way. So, when Des Cahill said "the arrival of Heffo's Army, the Dublin team of the '70s, brought GAA's popularity to a whole new level" he ended up covered in popcorn and milkshake, tossed in anger, accompanied by cries of, "You'd swear there was no feckin' GAA before Heffo's Army."

It was precisely this attitude, we reckon, that explained why Paddy Cullen's 1978 moment - you know the one (two words: Mikey and Sheehy) - was in the running for overall victory. We could sense a voting pact between 31 counties, one that would lead to a landslide "victory" for Paddy, the other 19 contenders losing their deposit.

Séamus Aldridge, the referee who gave the free to Kerry (and Sheehy) that fateful day, talked of the abusive phone calls and letters he received from Dublin supporters following the game. One in particular seemed to have trouble moving on with his life.

"I got to know one of the voices very well," said Aldridge. "His phone calls went on for 10 years, came in the early hours of the morning, three or four."

"Paddy, you're very good at disguising your voice," said Michael Lyster to Cullen, sitting beside Aldridge.

"And those calls weren't cheap," said Cullen, "or the stamps."

Yet more evidence that some supporters have long memories. And others are inclined to make scurrilous allegations. Like, "The west's so awake it's rigging the BLOODY POLL."

Well, Michael Donnellan's run was inspirational, but was it really the Greatest GAA Moment of all time? More memorable than Séamus Darby's goal against Kerry? Or John Fenton's supernatural goal against Limerick? Or Maurice Fitzgerald's impossible point against Dublin? Or - ah here, we'll be tossing toffee popcorn and banana milkshake next.

A mandate's a mandate, and Donnellan has one, so we must respect democracy. The people have spoken. ("Some of them more than once, by the looks of it." Whst.)

The story of the week, though, was the magnificent success of that little northern English team. No, not Liverpool, Wigan.

Our viewing choice yesterday was (a) the Barcelona Grand Prix or (b) Wigan v Reading, so it was off to the JJB Stadium we went - while all the while having one eye on the relegation battle.

Minutes to go. The news we'd been waiting for, as provided by the Sky Sports commentator: "I can confirm that Gillingham have been relegated! And Crewe, incredibly, have stayed up on the final day! By one goal! So Gillingham, who did so well to give themselves a chance, are heading down! Unless of course Ipswich get a winner at Brighton! Then it could change!"

Right. Thanks for that, um, confirmation. No doubts, though, about Wigan. Up. To the Premiership. Who'd have believed it? And with £25 million to spend. But? "Well, who in Europe has heard of Wigan," as Brian Little so kindly put it in the studio, casting some doubt over rumours that Shevchenko and Ronaldinho were JJB bound.

If they're going anywhere it'll probably be to, well, you know.

Which reminds us of our favourite moment of the week. It came on TV3's new offering, The Offside Show, on which Nick Leeson was the first guest. A text from Gavin in Leitrim: "Could Nick please take over the finances of Chelsea?"

"I'm sure even I couldn't lose that much money," Leeson giggled. Well sure, give it a try, Nick. We'd be right behind you.