Planet Football: You might remember a while back Dave Kitson, Reading's "will he/won't he play for Ireland" striker, complaining about people commenting on his ginger hair, likening it to racism. This, naturally enough, resulted in opposing fans reminding him of his ginger hair every time he touched the ball.
It's probably best, then, not to highlight these things, as Kitson has now learnt. So, quite why Spanish club Cadiz chose to issue a press release about their Croatian player Nenad Mirosavljevic being likened to a cartoon detective, Mortadelo, we'll never know.
"We understand that the professionals of the mass media do not do this with bad intentions, but we think that it is ridiculous, grotesque and outlandish to compare a professional footballer to a cartoon character that in no way resembles the personality or the character of our player: a person who is educated and correct as much off the pitch as on it," said the club statement.
"For that reason, we kindly request the media not to use this disagreeable nickname when talking about Nenad Mirosavljevic."
All of which, of course, will guarantee that from here on in the lad will be known as Mortadelo Mirosavljevic.
Quotes of the week
"Joe Cole had a slash on the edge of the box and it actually found its way back to the corner flag."
- Colin Cooper on BBC Radio, as heard by a Private Eye reader. That's some range the lad has.
"I don't want to get into a war of words - but since I've been here he started 23 or 24 games and we won two of them."
- West Brom manager Bryan Robson gets into a war of words with Robert Earnshaw.
"I looked at the Chelsea pitch against Charlton and it looked worse than ours, and that's saying something. No mice, but they've got bigger rats there."
- Alex Ferguson. Was he talking about Jose?
"I imagine Danny's social diary will be that much fuller now he is a Spurs player rather than a Charlton one, because they get invited to more film premieres than our players do."
- Charlton manager Alan Curbishley bids adieu to Danny Murphy.
"I've been working with Bill Bethick and he has been telling me if I start to feel angry I should count down from 10 to one. It is helping, although I am young and still learning."
- Middlesbrough's Emanuel Mad Dog Pogatetz, who's struggling to get past five, by the sounds of it.
Bidding for Barton
When we read that a Manchester City fan had put Joey Barton's "character and integrity" up for sale on eBay, we didn't hold out much hope of him making his fortune. Happily, though, the bidding was up to £5,100 when we last looked yesterday, although some potential bidders have complained about the cost of the postage. "How come the postage is so high on this item? Surely it can't weigh that much," said one.
Unfortunately Barton's agent, Willie McKay, isn't included in the deal. Let's remind ourselves.
Quote One: "It's not just about money but where the club wants to go and where Joey wants to go."
Quote Two: "If Manchester City had come back with the offer we asked for, which in my opinion is below which I think Joey should be getting anyway, then he would have signed the contract."
More quotes
"At every corner Ferguson caught me with his elbow. I asked him what he was doing and he got very angry. It was a really hard punch to the stomach. This is the first time I have ever come across such a player."
- Wigan's Austrian defender Paul Scharner on his first brush with Duncan Ferguson.
"If it can happen to a great club like Manchester United then it can happen to a lesser great club like Chelsea, I've seen these things happen before."
- Alex Ferguson suggesting that Chelsea could finish the season empty-handed. Doctor?
"I think Jean-Alain Boumsong will prove to be one of the best central defenders at the World Cup this summer and I will buy you dinner if that doesn't prove to be the case."
- Graeme Souness, two days before he was sacked.
"The worse Boumsong became the more pig-headed and determined Souness was to dig his heels in and keep on playing him. Boumsong has become the biggest joke in the Premiership."
- Mark Lawrenson, looking forward to dinner with Souness.
"My first goal is to get match fit. Being in prison you lose a lot of sharpness."
- Well, you would, wouldn't you? (Manchester United's Mads Timm, who spent time in jail for dangerous driving). (Thank you Ronan).
Pass badly telegraphed
Spotted on Football 365 last week: "Just how good is Robbie Keane? According to the Daily Telegraph, his square pass "found Lee at the back of the penalty area". Impressive stuff indeed from Keane, given that Y-P Lee was in South Korea, mourning his dead father. Ooops.
Even more quotes
"I think if you sat that boy down, away from all the pressure and all the threats he is under, and asked him who he wanted to play for, the answer would be Manchester United."
- Alex Ferguson on John Obi Mikel. See below.
"Mikel wishes to reiterate that whatever Sir Alex Ferguson, for whom he has the utmost respect, may think, his wish is to play for Chelsea."
- A statement from John Obi Mikel's London-based solicitors. See above.
"I can't recall any words that hinted at his (Rafael Benitez) interest in re-signing Robbie. Maybe it was Robbie down on his knees that gave him the idea."
- Steve McManaman suggesting that Fowler was a tad eager to return to Liverpool.
"He taught me a new phrase because he said he was 'over the moon' to be back at Liverpool. I had never heard that before."
- Rafa Benitez, learning the lingo from Robbie Fowler.
"He had better stop moaning and put up or shut up - he hasn't put up, so I'm telling him to shut up."
- Cardiff's Dave Jones v Sheffield United's Neil Warnock.
